Same Old Pain

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He was without a doubt the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. And that was saying a lot. Boys as a rule were not usually considered beautiful and Ennix as a rule was not easily impressed.

But nonetheless, it couldn’t be denied. Rhonin Kyfen was beautiful.

Ennixx knew she should get going. Nan was waiting and Nan didn’t like to be kept waiting. But she was only a half ahrn late and the boys would be finished playing Jahi-Nek soon. It wouldn’t hurt to stay just a few microts longer.

Ennixx pushed herself through the brush line and moved closer to the edge of the clearing. She didn’t think they could see her very well from here but that suited her just fine. She wasn’t here to be seen.

The object of her scrutiny was tall, had curly brown hair and was currently leaping up to catch a particularly difficult pass. He managed it with ease, coming down with an audible thump and then rolling to his feet again. He took off running hard towards the other end of the field, the ball tossing effortlessly from hand to hand as he dodged first one player and then another. He reached the opposing goal line and flung the ball high into the air with his left hand while reaching for one of the pointed Benta stakes planted in the ground with his right. With one move the stake was in the air, pierced the ball and the point was scored.

A cacophony of voices erupted and sixteen shirtless sweaty young men stampeded down the field in Rhonin’s direction.

“No point Kyfen you fouled!!!”

“He did NOT!!”

“He did too, he was holding, stopped tossing twice while he was running, I SEEN HIM!!”

“You seen NOTHING Bartok!! Ball was flyin the whole time, I SEEN IT!!”

“YOU couldn’t see nothin if your life depended on it Parsyn, I was at your Mum last night and you didn’t see THAT!!!”

“I’ll tell you what you..”

An ear splitting whistle made everyone jump and had the added effect of stopping the melee before any real damage could be done.

“Here now boys,” Rhonin said trotting towards the crowd with a good natured smile on his face. “ No need to fight. Bartok says the point was foul, Parsyn says it wasn’t. I can understand that, after all it depends on your point of view. Where you were like when the point was being scored. How honest you are..” He paused for a microt when he reached the other players and stepped up to the one called Bartok. He looked him up and down and then continued. “And how bad you want to risk kranking me off.”

“You don’t scare me Kyfen,” Bartok huffed as he took a step backwards.

“No?” The pleasant smile never left Rhonin’s face but his voice took on a bit of an edge. “Why you backing up then?”

“I’m not backing up” Bartok said, backing up another step.

Rhonin stared at him a microt longer and then broke out laughing. “Oh my, your really do need to learn how to lie better Bartok. You got a serious “tell’” there.”

“A tell?” Bartok went from looking scared to looking confused.

“Yes a tell,” Rhonin was doubled over with laughter by this point. “When you lie you can’t keep still. Back right up like you were dancing. It tells on you every time.”

“I’m not lying you..”

“Now hold on just a microt hold on.” Rhonin stopped laughing long enough to wave off Bartok’s angry fists. “No need to get nasty. If it means that much to you we’ll take the point over. We’ll even do it towards my goal line. If you cross it you take the point. But if I cross it… double points for my side.”

Bartok narrowed his eyes and stared at Rhonin for a microt and then nodded slowly.

“Good,” The good natured smile returned to Rhonin’s face. “We’re agreed then come on.” And he headed down to the other end of the field at a trot.

Ennixx came completely out of the tree line. Rhonin wouldn’t have offered to take the play over if he didn’t think he could win it back and Bartok had been made a fool of in front of all of his friends so he’d be gunning for Rhonin for sure. This promised to be interesting.

The boys separated into their respective teams at the end of the field, set the ball on the Carmak stand, counted off and started the play. The ball whizzed back and forth between several players before Rhonin ended up with it again. He took off running and had almost reached the goal line a little to Ennixx left when another player came flying up on his right side and over took him. Rhonin saw the charge just in time and tossed the ball one handed behind his head before the other player tackled him and the two went down in a jumble of arms, legs and screamed curses.

The other player managed to extract himself fairly quickly and began poking at Rhonin with his foot when he didn’t get up as well. Ennixx gasped and took a couple of steps forward worried he’d been hurt. And then all of a sudden she heard a shout.

“Ooof Girl look out!!”

She flinched and looked up just in time to see something large and round coming at her out of the sun. She squeaked, threw herself to the side, flung a hand up in the air instinctively and shut her eyes. Whatever hit her, hit hard enough to knock her to the ground and stung hard enough to bring tears to her eyes.

“Parsyn you IDIOT.”

Ennixx heard as she tried desperately to pull herself into a sitting position and see how badly she was damaged. But before she could manage to do more than roll over a hand was grabbing her free one and hauling her unceremoniously to her feet.

“You all right?” Rhonin asked her as he brushed ineffectually at the twigs in her hair.

“Ah, er, um, I” was all she was able to get out.

“Here you best let go of that and let me have a look.”

“Pardon?” Ennixx brain was beginning to work again and she was able to get a coherent word out at last.

“The ball, you’d best let go of it and let me have a look. That was a hard toss, especially with no gloves on. I want to see if anything’s broken.”

“Oh.” Ennixx was at a loss for words, she’d forgotten about that. She brought up her right hand which still had a death grip on the medium sized plasi-seal ball and held it out for Rhonin’s inspection. He took it gently in both of his own and pried it open. She hissed sharply as the ball fell out and onto the ground revealing a now purple and rapidly swelling palm.

“I was afraid of that,” Rhonin said ruefully as he turned it to and fro. “Parsyn don’t stand there gawking like a Flibisk!! Girl’s hurt go and fetch some ice!”

Ennixx looked over at Parsyn who opened his mouth to protest. One look at Rhonin’s angry face however, was enough to make him think that whatever words had been headed out of his throat were probably better off staying in it and he swallowed hard and trotted off in the direction of the safety bench.

She watched him go, still a bit dazed, until a cool breeze on her injured hand made her jump. She looked back up at Rhonin and was startled to find that he’d lifted her hand to his lips and was blowing on it gently.

“Don’t think it’s broken” He said in between breaths, “But it’s going to leave a nasty bruise for a few days I think.” His green eyes clouded with worry. “How do you feel, does it hurt very bad?”

Ennixx felt her face color, she was feeling a lot of things at the moment. Most of them not fit for polite society.

“No, not so bad.” She managed to get out without her voice shaking.

Rhonin looked down at the now hideously swollen mess that was Ennixx palm and then rewarded her with one of his beautiful smiles.

“Well you’re a better liar than Bartok anyway.” He laughed. “But no need to be brave, it must hurt like frell.”

Ennixx smiled too. “It does actually.”

Rhonin went back to blowing on her hand again. “You’re Ennixx ain’t ya? Your Da owns that Farm up near the Exford Heights doesn’t he?”

She nodded. “That’s us.”

“His name’s Callum isn’t it?”

She nodded again. “That’s him.”

“So tell me Ennixx daughter of Callum. What are you doing at the Jahi-Nek fields this fine afternoon?”

Ennixx took one look into his clear green eyes and spoke without thinking.

“I came up here to watch your gorgeous sweaty body roll around in the dust.”

He stared at her.

She would have killed herself right then and there if she could. Her father was always saying she should watch her mouth, act more like a lady. She’d done it for sure, he’d never speak to her again. Worse yet it would be all over town, Ennixx, the unmitigated trelk who went around telling the most sought after boy in the village that he had a gorgeous sweaty bod. She’d be ruined and her family shamed forever unless.....

Ennixx suddenly straightened and put on her most winning smile. She took her free hand and punched Rhonin gently on the arm.

“Oh come on now, I’m only joking!” she said lightly. “I’m actually on my way to my Nan’s. She’s just the other side of Pymrin hill. This is the shortest way.”

“Oh.”

If she didn’t know better Ennixx would have sworn she detected disappointment in his voice.

“Going to do some work for her are ya?”

She nodded. “We’re moving her closer to us in a few days. She’s getting older and that place is to big for her to keep up. I guess she was insistent on staying there after my Grandfather died, but her health is beginning to fail a bit so she’s agreed to take the guest quarters on our land. I’m going to help her pack up some things before my Uncle Rhys and Da come and get the big stuff.”

Rhonin gave her hand another scrutinizing glance. “Don’t think you’ll be doing much packing today.” He looked back at her again and his gaze turned shy. “So you weren’t interested in the game at all?”

“No.” Ennixx thought, “I was interested in watching the muscles of your naked chest ripple under your skin”.

“Well I was a bit,” she said instead. “Playoff’s coming up in two weakens and everything. When I saw you…er when I saw you ALL playing I thought I might take a look. See what you’ve got.”

Rhonin tilted his head down so he could see directly into her eyes and Ennixx said a quick prayer in an attempt to keep her knees from knocking.

“And just what have I got?” He asked another smile playing at his lips.

“What have you got?” Ennixx thought as her heart sped up a few notches and her free palm broke out in a sweat. “You’ve got lips I’m dying to feel on mine, you’ve got strong fingers I want to feel undoing my bodice, you..”

“You’re a little blind on your right side” she heard herself say out loud and winced.

Rhonin considered that for a microt and then nodded. “You’re right. If I weren’t I wouldn’t have let Mannix tackle me like that. Should have seen him coming. Could be dangerous in a game, blind spot like that. Could cost us points. You’re very observant Ennixx . Perhaps I ought to have you watch all my practices, you could tell me about all my other deficiencies.”

Ennixx colored and backtracked immediately. “ Oh I only meant... I mean, I DIDN’T mean…”

Rhonin laughed again. “Relax it was a compliment.”

“Oh.”

Parsyn chose that moment to arrive with ice and other first aid supplies and Rhonin began to dress her hand.

“So tell me, Ennixx” He said as he gently spread numbing ointment on her palm. “Are you coming to the Playoff’s?”

I am NOW. She thought.

“I was thinking about it. Maybe.”

“Well you know, there’s a dance afterwards.”

She nodded. “Every year. It’s Harvest Festival after all.”

Rhonin suddenly became very interesting in getting the bandage wrapped just right.

“So you goin?”

Ennixx bristled. The dance was a sore spot with her.

“I haven’t decided yet.” She replied with as much nonchalance as she could muster.

Rhonin’s ears turned red and he began to smooth over the bits of tape he was using to secure the bandage holding her hand up near his eyes so he could get a better look.

“But.. um… I mean you’ve been asked already right? You’ve got an escort and all that?”

Ennixx felt her heart drop. What was he trying to do be cruel? Most of the single boys in the village were right here on this field and he knew full well that none of them had told him they were taking “Awkward Ennixx” to the dance.

“I’ve had a few offers that I’m considering.” She said her tone turning as icy as the pack Rhonin was now pressing against her throbbing palm.

“Considering? Well that’s good because I just wanted to…”

“RHONIN”

They both looked up at the shrill call.

“RHONIN!!”

Ennixx looked to her left saw a horrible sight coming over the hill towards them and shut her eyes.

“Rhonin Kyfen, I been looking everywhere for you. I should have known I’d catch you here blathering off.”

Ennixx opened her eyes again. Unfortunately closing them hadn’t made IT go away.

“Hello, Sielya” She grated with as much sincerity as she could muster

Sielya Hypeth let her blue eyes rest on Ennixx for a microt before turning them back to Rhonin and flipping her waist length blond tresses across one shoulder.

“Hello, Ennixx.” She said in a decidedly disinterested tone. “Whatever did you do to your hand?”

Rhonin spoke up before she could say anything.

“Ennixx had the misfortune of being in the path of one Parsyn’s bad throws.” He gently held up her injured hand so Sielya could get a better look. “She caught it like a pro though. Couldn’t have done better myself.”

Sielya was not impressed. “I saw your Grandmother a few microts ago Ennixx. She was looking for you and she did NOT look pleased. Murmured something about you having the timing sense of something called a Chiana. Has she gone completely fahrbot Ennixx? You ought to take better care of her.”

Ennixx resisted the urge to punch Sielya in her pretty cream colored face.

“We take care of her just fine Sielya, and speaking of taking care. Has your dad taken care to pay my Nan back for the loan she made him last harvest? Interest is adding up if he hasn’t you know.”

Sielya’s eyes narrowed and her lips pressed into a thin hard line. If looks could kill Ennixx knew she would be dead.

“I’m sure I don’t know. A REAL lady doesn’t delve into financial affairs that don’t concern her. Rhonin?” Sielya deliberately turned away from Ennixx and smiled in a way that showed off her perfect teeth and dimples to their best effect.

“Yeah?” Rhonin looked a bit uncomfortable.

“You DID promise to help me carry the shopping and get those window’s installed for my Mum. Don’t tell me you forgot?” She pouted and leaned forward just enough to let her breasts bulge against the constraints of her bodice.

Rhonin reddened. “No I didn’t forget Sielya, I wouldn’t do that. I just got held up a bit and now that Ennixx’s been injured I wonder if I might...”

“I’m fine.” Ennixx interrupted firmly. “You go ahead. I’m late for Nan’s anyhow.” She wasn’t about to let Sielya think she cared in the least what Rhonin Kyfen did with his time. Besides, he’d obviously made a promise to the ditzy little trelk and she wasn’t going to keep him from it. She didn’t need his pity.

He hesitated. “You sure?”

She nodded firmly. “I’m certain. You go ahead, and thanks for fixing my hand.”

“Thanks for not being mad we hurt it.”

Ennixx shrugged and started to turn away.

“Ennixx?”

She turned back to catch him staring back at her with a strange look on his face.

“Yes?”

“Um, I’ll see you later, O.K?”

“Fine, sure. It’s a small village I’m sure we’ll see each other again.” She forced a smile.

“Good.”

And with that he turned around, allowed Sielya to catch hold of his arm and walked away.

Ennixx watched them walk across the field, up the hill and out of sight. She tried to convince herself that the moisture in her eyes was only the wind and some grit that must have gotten into them when she fell. She looked back at the field but their star player gone, the game of Jhai-Nek was breaking up and so she turned to leave herself.

She hadn’t taken three steps toward the woods when her Nan stepped silently out from behind a tree.

“You really shouldn’t make an old woman worry so Ennixx.” said Aeryn Sun. “My heart has enough problems without you adding to them.



Ennixx jumped. She never would understand how the old woman could move so silently. It was almost unnatural the way she could meld in and out of shadows and suddenly just appear behind you with no warning at all.

“Hi Nan,” she said a bit sheepishly.

“Hi nothing,” Aeryn replied rather crossly. “I was expecting you over an ahrn ago. I didn’t know what happened to you. You could have fallen in the sound, gotten attacked by a Goyinth, robbed, raped, anything.” She turned and began to make her way back into the forest using her cane to bat at any low hanging branches in her way.

Ennixx rolled her eyes and began to follow. Nan knew full well that the way to her house was nowhere near the sound, Goyinth’s hadn’t been at the cattle for over a cycle and the only crime in their little hamlet in recent memory was when Tymur Ebrim stole some Kabirth eggs from the Widow Tilson because his had stopped laying. Robbing and raping indeed.

“Sorry Nan,” She said hurrying to catch up with the old woman and link her free arm with hers. “I got caught up a bit.”

Aeryn stopped and regarded her granddaughter with something akin to amusement in her eyes. “ Caught up my broad backside,” she said with a smirk. “ I saw full well what you were doing Ennixx, mooning over that Kyfen boy. Don’t lie to me girl.”

Ennixx colored, mortified at having been found out. “ I was NOT mooning” she retorted coldly.

Aeryn stopped and leaned against a tree to catch her breath. “You were too.” She panted as she fanned herself with one hand. “I know mooning when I see it.”

Ennixx went contrite immediately. Here she was starting an argument when her Nan was having a spell. One that was no doubt brought on by her selfish actions. The breathless sessions were a new development for Aeryn and they never lasted very long but they worried Ennixx nonetheless and she reached for her water carrier to offer her a drink.

Aeryn batted it away with one hand. “No, No, dear I’m alright. Same old pain, just give me a microt.” She took a deep breath and then stood up straight and motioned for them to continue on their way. “Besides, I’d be worried about you if you WEREN’T mooning over Rhonin Kyfen. That boy looks good enough to eat.”

“NAN!” Ennixx was a bit shocked.

“What? I can’t say he’s handsome? I’m just an old woman who’s supposed to knit and garden and I can’t notice that a boy’s good looking? Well excuse me dear, I knew I was ancient, I just wasn’t aware I was supposed to be dead.”

“But you didn’t say he was handsome Nan,” Ennixx said, “You said he looked good enough to eat.”

Aeryn stopped and looked at her granddaughter as though she were missing a few brain cells.

“Well doesn’t he?”

Ennixx stared at her open mouthed for a few microts and then gave up and laughed.

“Yes he does Nan, he does at that.”

“There,” Aeryn started back up again with a satisfied look on her face. “Now that the issue of his looks are settled I want to know why you let him walk away from you.”

“Sorry?” Said Ennixx a bit confused.

“WHY DID YOU LET HIM WALK AWAY FROM YOU?” Aeryn shouted in a voice that indicated that her thought her granddaughter might be deaf as well as stupid.

“Shhh Nan, don’t shout. I let him go because he had some place else to be”.

“And someone else to be there with.” She thought sourly.

“Bullfrell,” Said Aeryn.

“I BEG your PARDON?”

“I didn’t stutter child you heard me.”

“OH I HEARD you Nan” said Ennixx as she opened the garden gate to Aeryn’s house. “ I just can’t believe I heard what I heard.”

Aeryn shrugged, “I’m an old woman Ennixx. I don’t have to watch what I say anymore.... Not that I ever did anyway.... And you’re missing the point. You never should have let him walk away.”

“Rhonin Kyfen isn’t interested in the likes of me.” Ennixx said stiffly as she followed Aeryn in the font door and into the kitchen. “And even if he were it wouldn’t matter. Da’s been talking to Kohlen Mahren’s father. Seem’s he’s got a bit of an interest in me.”

“KOHLEN MAHREN?” Aeryn looked completely mortified. “You can’t be interested in KOHLEN MAHREN.”

Ennixx was a bit taken aback by the forcefulness of her Nan’s reaction.

“Er,... no I’m not... actually. I just said he was interested.”

“Oh thank Goodness. I thought I was going to have to beat Callum,” Aeryn placed a hand over her heart and slowly lowered herself into a chair next to the stove. “He is the least imaginative of my children anyway. No, No, the Mahren’s may own the largest commerce store in three communities but that child of theirs is boring, ugly and doesn’t look like he could bring a woman to orgasm if his life depended on it.”

Ennixx just stared. She was too scandalized to speak. She often wondered where her Nan came up with such things. SHE didn’t even think about the thing that Nan just mentioned. Well... not often anyway.

Aeryn ignored Ennixx shock and reached over for the teapot a rather serious look on her face. “Ennixx neither your Father nor your Uncles were flown in by Vilcha birds. And you’re getting up there in age now, what are you 19 cycles? You’ll be wanting a husband and a family of your own soon. And let me tell you, if you are going to cook for a man and clean up after him, and bear his children, over the next 100 or more cycles, among the MANY things you should give serious consideration to is his ability to perform in the joy department.”

“NAN PLEASE....!!!!” Ennixx said with no small amount of desperation.

The look faded away and Aeryn reached over and patted Ennixx hand.

“Sorry dear, I got carried away there for a microt. But the sentiment still holds true.”

“I...should... marry a man who’s ... good in the joy department?”

“No child. That you should always take the risk. Never settle just because you’re afraid.”

Ennixx got up and poured herself a cup of tea. “I’m sorry Nan you’ve lost me.”

Aeryn sighed. “Look. Go look in the big bedroom closet, behind those old work clothes of Cerric’s and bring me that trunk that’s up there. There’s something I want to show you.”

Ennixx reached up on tiptoe and tried without much success to shove aside the old work boots and coverall’s that hid the box her Nan was after. After several attempts she got frustrated and dragged over a small stool to aid in her attempt. Unfortunately the stool was rickety and soon tumbled her over bringing the trunk and its contents down on her head.

“Ouch”

“Are you all right in there Ennixx?” Aeryn’s concerned voice waifed in from the kitchen.

“I’m O.K. Nan, just a microt.” Ennixx scrambled to gather jumble of objects that now lined the floor. She started separating the papers from the clothing and other objects when a small blue ball rolled out from under some old curtains. She caught it and held it up to the light. It was a couple denches in diameter covered in silver filigreed wire and strung on a silver chain. She picked at it and it opened. A locket.

“Um Nan?” Ennixx called swirling a finger around in the empty interior. “Could you come in here for a microt?”

“Of course dear, just let me bring lunch.” Aeryn shuffled around the kitchen for a bit and then joined her granddaughter in the bedroom with a fully laden tray.

“What’s this?” Ennix held the locket up by its chain and then had to lunge to save her lunch when Aeryn almost dropped the tray.

“Nan you all right?” she set the tray on the bed and then helped Aeryn to a chair.

“Oh stop fussing. Of course I’m alright. You just gave me a bit of a turn. Wherever did you find that? I haven’t seen it in over 50 cycles.” Aeryn took the locket from Ennixx with something approaching reverence.

“What is it?”

“Memoirs of a dead woman.” Aeryn murmured.

“Oh was it Laran’s then?”

“Pardon?” Aeryn blinked.

“Mum told me that Grandpa Cerric was married once before you, some woman named Laran?”

“Oh yes her.” Aeryn shook her head, “No love it wasn’t hers.”

“Well is it what you wanted to show me?”

“No,” Aeryn never took her eyes off the slowly rotating piece of jewelry. “It wasn’t.”

Ennixx felt herself start to get a bit frustrated. She loved her Nan to distraction but her rather singular way of communicating often got in the way of productive conversation.

“Well what is it then?”

“Oh I’m sorry dear.” Ennixx watched Aeryn pull herself back from wherever the locket had taken her. She stared at Ennixx for a long moment and then motioned for her to come and sit on the floor at her side.

“Ennixx love, I’m going to tell you about this piece of jewelry, and a lot of other things that I wasn’t sure I was ever going to tell you about. But first I need to know what your parents have told you about me, who I am, where I’m from and how I ended up here on this planet.”

Ennixx shrugged, not sure exactly where Aeryn was going with this line of questioning. “Oh I don’t know. They said that a long time ago there was some kind of transport shipping accident and everybody died on it but you and you got out in an escape pod. That old one you use to go back and forth to the barren planet to do that thing you do every year. And they said that you had amnesia and the amnesia makes you say bonky things from time to time and that I shouldn’t pay attention to you if you do. And they said that you were here a long time before you married Grandpa Cerric and that nobody ever thought you would marry him when he asked you and were completely surprised that you did and they wondered what he ever saw in you anyway.”

Aeryn stared for a microt and then started swearing. She swore loud, long and used such creative combinations that Ennixx found herself wishing she had a writing tablet and utensil so she could mark some of the better ones down for future reference.

“Um…Nan?” She asked when Aeryn’s tirade seemed to show some signs of slowing down. “Did I get something wrong?”

Aeryn sighed and rubbed at her head. “No child you didn’t get anything wrong. They did. And they have for cycles and I let them because I figured they were stupid and it was futile and what did it matter anyway.” She took a deep breath. “But no more. No more. A person needs to know where they come from. They need the feeling of self worth.”

“Nan?” Ennixx felt a bit frightened. “What are you on about?”

Aeryn smiled at her. “Oh Ennixx. I grew up so differently from you. No blue sky, no wide open fields, no sound to fish in on sunny days. I called long cold rooms home with metal beds and the sound of engines and stamping boots in my ears all the time. It was structured and ordered and full of rules. And I loved it. Or at least I thought I did.”

“What were you Nan, some sort of blacksmith?”

“No child I was a soldier.”

“A soldier?” Ennixx looked at her Nan as though she’d grown another head. “Nan are you feeling alright?”

“Hand me that box over there will you?” asked Aeryn pointing to a rather large silver colored one on the floor of the open closet.

Ennixx crawled over and got it and Aeryn put the contents out for her to see.

A black leather vest. Some leather pants. A utility belt and a highly polished, meticulously kept pulse pistol.

Ennixx stared. She recognized the pulse pistol. She’d seen pictures of them in books at school as examples of the necessary evils that existed on planets other than theirs. She touched it lightly, her fingers brushing the cold metal with something akin to fear.

“Nan.”

Aeryn rummaged around in the papers on the floor and then held one out to Ennixx with a flourish.

“And this was your Nan before your uncles and your father ruined her figure.”

Ennixx looked down at the paper. It was a drawing of a woman done in colored chalk. A tall slender woman with alabaster skin wearing the black leathers and the gun that now lay on the floor in front of her. She was standing on the cliffs above Tillith sound the wind whipping the ebony cloud of her hair back like a mane. One hand rested on an upraised knee and the other on the holster of the pulse pistol strapped to her opposite thigh.

She had her face half turned to the artist drawing the picture, as though she had just become aware of his presence behind her and wasn’t sure if it pleased her or not. Her expression was cold and detached and her gray eyes were sad.

A soldier indeed.

Ennixx looked from the eyes of the woman in the picture to the ones that were regarding her closely now. Eyes that had looked at her for cycles with love, devotion and a little something extra she’d never been able to name.

They were the same.

Ennixx didn’t know what to say. She’d seen pictographs of her Nan before of course but none when she was as young as she was in the drawing. All the ones she knew of showed her with her father or her uncles or her Grand Cerric who had died some 11 years before she was born. They all showed a plump slightly bad tempered middle aged farm wife who didn’t smile a lot. There had to be some mistake. Her Nan didn’t handle weapons. Her Nan had gray hair and knew the name of every root in Falstaf woods and always baked her Cherrut cookies on her birth anniversary and could talk to Da any way she liked. Her Nan wasn’t coldly beautiful like the woman in the picture, wasn’t... dangerous like her. No, Ennixx thought. It COULDN’T be her.

But it was.

“Nan,” She asked looking at Aeryn with awe and a little bit of fear on her face. “Who drew the picture?”

Aeryn smiled. “Your Grandfather Cerric.”

Ennixx frowned, “Grandfather could draw? Da never told me that and I’ve never seen any pictures like this before.”

Aeryn sighed. “I’m not surprised. He really was very secretive about it, embarrassed even. His parents frowned on it, said it was a waste of time and he agreed with them.”

“Crops won’t wait for my fancies,” he used to say when I tried to encourage him to indulge himself a bit as the cycles went on. But he never did. I’m lucky to have saved the few I did.” She handed Ennixx a few more sheets of paper.

Ennixx looked at them. There were a few of her Da and Uncle Rhys as children. And one of her Uncle John who had died in an accident when he was a child. One of Great Grand and Great Nan, Grandfather Cerric’s parents. And three of the village and the sound. They were beautiful and done with love and she was glad Aeryn had saved them.

“ So if you were a soldier Nan,” she asked after she put down the pictures. “What planet did you grow up on? Did you choose to be one or did your parents make you? Were you ever in a war?”

“Hold on there...” Aeryn laughed and set a finger across Ennixx lips to quiet her. “One question at a time. I didn’t grow up on a planet. I grew up on a very large spaceship called a Command Carrier. It was so big that it could hold all the people in all the villages on this planet on a few floors. I never knew my mom and dad and as for whether or not I had a choice of being a soldier, no I did not. I was born to it. It’s what I was bred to be.”

“And as for the wars Nan, were you ever in a war, did you.... kill people?”

Aeryn looked down and grabbed ahold of the locket around her neck and began rolling it between thumb and forefinger. When she looked back up again there was sadness in her eyes.

“Yes Ennixx, I was in several military campaigns. Both on the ground and as a pilot, which was my primary commission. And yes I killed people. A lot of people.”

Ennixx eyes widened. “But they were all bad right?”

Aeryn contemplated that for a few microts and then shook her head. “No, I’m sure they weren’t all bad. But I was a Peacekeeper, I did as I was ordered. It wasn’t my place at the time to worry about such things, and it won’t do me any good to worry about them now. What’s done is done.”

“But you stopped didn’t you. I mean you weren’t a soldier any more by the time you came here to our planet were you?”

Aeryn snorted. “Once a soldier always a soldier Ennixx. But no, I was no longer on active duty by the time I got here. One day I got sucked into the Starburst charge of a Leviathan ship that was trying to escape our control. The prisoners it was carrying had managed to get loose and for reasons I still don’t understand they took mercy on me and pulled me aboard instead of leaving me fueless and space bound to die. They were a strange lot. A blue Delvian priestess named Zahn, A young Luxan warrior named D’Argo, a disposed Hynerian Dominar named Rygel who’s greed would have rivaled the Mahren’s any day. And....” She trailed off.

Ennixx, who had gathered up enough courage to actually pick the pulse pistol up and sight along the barrel, looked up at Aeryn and prompted.

“And?”

There was silence for a few microts and then Aeryn continued. “And a ... human, from a planet called Earth, named John Crichton.”



Something in Aeryn’s voice made Ennixx stop her examination of the pulse pistol. “A human?” she said. “What sort of creature is that?” Truth be told Ennixx had no idea what the other creatures her Nan had named were but since this particular one was named after her dead uncle and seemed to evoke such a response she figured she’s start with it.

“Sorry to disappoint you,” replied Aeryn catching her granddaughter’s thoughts. “But humans don’t have three heads or green arms or anything like that... At least Crichton never said they did. They look remarkably like you and me. In fact, you can’t really tell the difference at all except they aren’t susceptible to heat delirium. They have a higher body temperature and no peraphoral nerve but that’s about it as far a physical differences go.”

“ And where’s Earth?”

Aeryn shrugged. “I have no idea. But it must be very far away. Crichton spent more than two cycles looking for it and he never once came close to finding it again that I know of.”

“So you don’t know what sort of planet it was? You never saw it?”

Aeryn’s face took on a slightly uncomfortable look and she hesitated a few microts before continuing.

“Well I did.... sort of see it once. It wasn’t REALLY Earth though. Just a holo suite projection of some aliens we encountered that were conducting an experiment. But John said later it was accurate enough.”

“What was it like?”

“Primitive, beautiful and.... cruel.”

“You didn’t like it then?”

Aeryn shook her head. “Not really, no.”

Ennixx frowned, something wasn’t adding up. If the human creature had searched for his home world for two cycles and couldn’t find it how had he ended up with Nan in the first place? She decided to back track a bit.

“How did you meet him Nan, if he came from so far away?”

Aeryn laughed. I’m not really sure. After the Leviathan ship, whose name was Moya by the way, pulled me on board when she flew into Starburst, they threw me unconscious in a cell. I woke up and ... there he was. But he told me later that he was a pilot like me and had been flying some sort of experimental space craft for his planetary government when some space anomaly called a “wormhole” sucked him up and dropped him where we were. He couldn’t explain them, he didn’t understand them, but he swore that “wormholes” were what got him here and “wormholes” were what would get him back. Personally I think he was fahrbot for thinking he could ever figure them out, but you couldn’t tell him so. He searched for the things obsessively. He never thought of anything else.” Aeryn paused for a microt and then a small smile lit her face, “Well there was ONE other thing he thought of I think....” She trailed off again, lost somewhere in the past.

Ennixx narrowed her eyes. Nan was keeping something back, she was sure of it. She tried another track.

“So what was he like this John Crichton? You say he looked like us. Was he anything like Grand? Or Da?”

Aeryn sighed, “Um well... He was tall like your Grand, and strong like him too, though I have to admit I often forgot that.”

“Was he handsome?”

Aeryn smiled again and stretched in her chair the memory obviously pleasing her. “ Oh yes, he was that. Light brown hair that he liked to keep short, eyes as blue as the sky above Tillith Sound on a cloudless day. And hands, Oh my, he had such hands. Strong, steady and skilled once he began to understand our technology. He could fix a conduit in under 30 microts with never a burned connection, He could fight too, when he had to. He didn’t like to fight much but he wouldn’t back down when pressed.”

Aeryn voice dropped a few notches and her eyes went unfocused again. “And they were callused.” She paused for a microt and then her face took on a nostalgic look. “Funny thing to remember I know. But his fingers had calluses on them from all his hard work. I can still remember how the roughness tickled a bit as he ran his hands over my body. Rough hands but a gentle touch. That was John Crichton.”

Ennixx mouth dropped open. “You were lovers Nan?” She asked incredulously.

Aeryn snapped back to the present and looked Ennixx straight in the eyes for a microt and then flung her head back against the back of the chair and sighed. “We made love only once” she said, her voice grating with repressed frustration, “But I think we would have been if I hadn’t gotten lost here Ennixx. Yes, given time I think we would have been that and more.”

Ennixx stared in complete confusion at the tortured look on Aeryn face. “Why do you say it like that Nan? I’ve never heard you talk like this. I mean, you did love him didn’t you?”

An arm joined Aeryn’s flung back head on the back of the chair. She rubbed it across her eyes and then nodded.

“With everything I was.”

“Then why do you say it like that?”

Aeryn groaned and raised her head up again. “Oh Ennixx. I was so different back then. My people were a bit... strict when it came to mating habits. They liked to keep the bloodlines pure and they took it very seriously. Crichton was an unclassified alien from an uncharted area of the galaxy. Giving myself to him was the worst breach of regulations imaginable. In fact when my superiors found out I’d merely been in the same room with him for some time they had me declared irreversibly contaminated.”

“Irreversibly contaminated?”

“They ordered me killed.”

“Oh Nan you can’t be serious, they ordered you killed just for being in the same room with him?”

Aeryn leaned over and captured Ennixx chin in one hand. “Girl, I am going to say a lot of things today that you will find hard to believe. Some you may even find funny. But know this. I will Never. Ever. Joke about the Peacekeepers. Do you understand?”

Ennixx began to get frightened again. “Yes Nan.”

Aeryn patted her on the head. “Good.”

“But Nan?”

“Yes”

“How could you love someone who was responsible for...”

“Having me deemed irreversibly contaminated?” Aeryn interrupted with a laugh. “Believe me I denied it for cycles. And not just because of the kill order. Peacekeepers frowned on lasting interpersonal relationships of any strength. In fact there were punishments for having them. There was no such thing as marriage or long term partnerships and I understand why. We were a military society and as such you never knew if you were going to live through the next day. You never knew when your assignment would change or where you would be sent next. You took your pleasure when you could, with whom you could and that was that. The idea of spending your life with just one person. Having them... know everything about you.” Aeryn shook her head. “It was terrifying.”

“And Crichton’s world was different. More like ours?”

“Yes. And he ... tried to get me to see the good in that he really did. He drove me crazy with his trying.” Aeryn shook her head again, “ Now your Grandfather Cerric, he was a man of few words and even fewer original ideas. I think that’s what I loved about him the most. The steady regularity of him. No surprises, no demands, no striving for complex things. He had his loves, Farming, drawing, the children... me. And he had his dislikes, too much rain, a bad Jahi-Nek game, Parminten stew. But that was it. He was simple, WE were simple. And I liked that; it made giving up my old life.... easier somehow.”

“And this ... John. He wasn’t simple?”

Aeryn smiled and began to fondle the locket again. “No he was not. He thought, all the time, constantly changing ideas and plans whenever we did something. And he talked all the time. About everything. His life, his world, our world, the weather, wormholes, my feelings, Zahn’s Goddess, D’Argo’s son. It didn’t matter he was ALWAYS talking. Or wanting to talk. I remember Chiana once said when I complained about it, that if it bothered me that much I should simply give him something else to do with his mouth and then gave me several very lewd suggestions as to exactly what. I dumped her in Moya’s amnexus fluid for her insolence, but now, I wish I’d asked him to try a few. I’m sure the experience would have been... educational.”

Ennixx frowned. “Sielya said you said I had the timing of a Chiana, what’s that?”

“Who’s that actually. Chiana was a Nabari we picked up. She was a prisoner too who escaped from her captors and she kept promising she’d leave but she never did. It was she who gave me this locket. A peace offering for damaging my Prowler ship. She was a devious little trelk who had too much of an interest in Crichton for my liking. But she was useful in her way.” Aeryn’s expression turned wistful. “I miss her.”

Ennixx found herself beginning to dislike this Crichton a bit. She’d never heard her Nan talk about Grandfather Cerric with such passion and longing. Not even remotely. And it seemed she had cared enough about him to name one of her children “John” after him. Neither her uncles nor her Da had been named Cerric after Grand. It was downright unsettling. She decided to change the subject.

“How did you get here Nan, was it a crash like Da said?”

Aeryn shook her head. “No nothing like that. We were being chased by a being called Scorpius who was attached to the Peacekeepers. They were after John mostly. They thought he had some technology they wanted. We flew into what I know now was an orbit around the Barren planet. I told the others I’d go out and take a look around. The mist that surrounded that planet was ideal for us to hide in but I wanted to make sure everything was safe. It was my job you see. I had the most tactical experience. I had to be the one to go.”

Aeryn stopped for a microt and looked down gripping the locket tightly. When she resumed speaking her voice was barely above a whisper.

“John said I shouldn’t go out alone, that alone wasn’t safe, and I should stop being stubborn. Chiana told me she had a bad feeling about the mist and we should just abandon the area and go somewhere else. John said he wanted to come with me. He grabbed my arm and said “Aeryn I’m coming with you.” She stopped abruptly.

Ennixx waited and when Aeryn didn’t continue she climbed to her knees and cupped her cheek.

“Nan are you alright?” She asked.

Aeryn’s face when she lifted it was wet with tears. “He said Aeryn I’m coming with you and I snatched my arm back and told him no. I said I was going to have enough trouble navigating a mist field without having to worry about him mucking up my recon mission with some stupid test or another I was sure he’d want to run. I thought he was silly to worry. After all I’d be back in less than an ahrn. I told him no, and then I left.”

“And as I was flying around the mist parted and I could see the Barren Planet, so I landed and I looked around for a bit and then I tried to fly back. But I couldn’t find Moya in the mist. No matter where I went I couldn’t find Moya and I couldn’t com them and I couldn’t get back. And I searched and I searched and they were nowhere to be found and when my supplies got low and I saw the Favored Planet I gave up and came here.”

“And I tried to get back time and again, every day for awhile, then every weeken, then every moen then every cycle. And I kept trying until I finally figured it out. There were archives, people talked. It was the mist you see. Somehow it kept me from getting back and every once in awhile it would part and you could get through but you had to time it just right and it was cycles, long long cycles between the partings. And after a long while I realized I might never get back, and if I did it would be too late. I’d be too old. And so I gave up. Gave up trying to get back to my life on Moya and the people there. Gave up trying to get back to Crichton. And it broke my heart, and I didn’t think I could take it, but there was nothing I could do.

Aeryn paused and took a deep breath. “But thankfully there was your Grandfather. He changed everything.”

“How did Grand change things?” asked Ennixx gently as she wiped the tears from Aeryns face.

“He made things.... better. He was one of the first people I met when I got here over 150 cycles ago and he was always kind to me. He was tolerant of my ignorance of this planet and its ways. He.... made me laugh and shared his drawings with me. And he never called me crazy or questioned why I went to the barren planet every cycle. He became... my friend. And after Laran died, long after, he asked if he could be more than that and I said yes.”

“So you did love him then Nan,” Ennixx said starting to feel a bit better about the whole odd story.

Aeryn pulled Ennixx head down to her lap and began drawing her fingers through her hair. “I came to love him yes. And how could I not? You couldn’t ask for a kinder, gentler man than Cerric. He was devoted to me, to our children, to our life together. I would have been miserable here if it weren’t for him.”

“But you never forgot Crichton.”

Aeryn shook her head. No. He was the reason I could love your Grandfather. Crichton loved me and because he did he always believed I could be more than what I was if I only tried. And because he believed it, I came to believe it too. I owe him my life, I owe him my love and I only hope it’s not to late for me to repay him those gifts.”

Ennixx pulled back from Aeryn’s lap abruptly. “Not to late? You talk as if you are going to see him again someday.”

Aeryn opened her mouth and then closed it again. “Never mind dear. That’s a story for another day. Do you think you could do me a favor now?”

Ennixx stared at Aeryn for a few microts and then nodded. She could see in the old woman’s eyes that questioning that last statement would not net her any answers today. It probably meant nothing anyway, Nan was always waxing cryptic and it never meant anything. But there one thing she really needed to know before she let the matter drop completely.

“Sure. But can I ask a question first?”

“Of course.”

“If you had to do it all over again. Would you?”

Aeryn stood up. “You mean if I had the choice to go back to that day and never leave Moya, would I make the same decision to come here having lived the life I have now?”

Ennixx nodded.

Aeryn stared at her granddaughter for a long microt and Ennixx could see she was torn inside.

“No.” She said at last. “I wouldn’t have. If I could do it all again I’d have stayed on Moya, or allowed John to come with me. It would have been his life I would have spent mine with and his children I would have borne.”

Ennixx pulled back like she had been slapped but Aeryn caught her arm before she could turn and run away.

“What? Not the answer you wanted to hear?” She said sternly. “It may hurt child, but it’s the truth nonetheless. The life I’ve led isn’t one that I would have chosen for myself if I’d had the opportunity to chose otherwise.”

Aeryn cupped Ennixx face in both her hands and forced the girl to look at her.

“But that being said” She continued softly. “The choices I have made since I have been here were made of my own free will and I don’t regret a single one of them. I don’t regret marrying your Grandfather, I don’t regret having your father or your uncles and I don’t regret knowing you Ennixx. You all have brought me more love; more joy than I deserve and I’ve been fulfilled and happy in my time here. And I love you, I love you all so much, you MUST know that.”

Ennixx felt ashamed. How could she have doubted her Nan like that? It didn’t matter what she had been or who she had loved in the past. She was here now, and she was theirs. That was all that counted. She flung her arms around Aeryn and hugged her hard.

“I love you too Nan.”

Aeryn let her hang on for a microt and then gently pulled her away. “Now, there’s enough of that mushy dren. You know how I am about that. Wipe your face like a good girl and go and fetch me that list from the counter in the kitchen. I need a few things in town I’d like you to pick up if you don’t mind.”

Ennixx went to the kitchen and had just picked up the list when Aeryns voice called her back.

“Ennixx?”

“Yes Nan?”

“I never got to tell Crichton how I felt about him. How much he meant to me. If I had, things might have been different. Sometimes life gives us what we want, and sometimes it gives us what we need. But we should always go for what we want first. If we don’t then we’re stuck with regrets and we get more than our share of those without adding to them.”

Ennixx shook her head. “I don’t understand.”

“Do you want Rhonin Kyfen?”

“Nan I don’t know if I...”

“Yes you do know. Do you want Rhonin Kyfen yes or no.”

Ennixx hesitated a microt and then nodded. “Yes.”

“Then go and tell him so. Or barring that, find out if he had something else he wanted to say to you before that Sielya trelk ran him off. Ask him if he had anything to ask you Ennixx. You ask him straight out and don’t be afraid.”

Ennixx dropped her head. “But Nan, what if he says no?”

Aeryn came and put her hands on Ennixx shoulders and shook her a bit.

“Then at least you’ll know. And whatever man you choose after that you can give yourself to wholeheartedly and with the knowledge that he isn’t second best. It’s not winning or losing him that’s important Ennixx. It’s knowing that you went with your heart that is.”

Ennixx raised her head. “O.K. Nan. I will, I’ll try.”

“Good” Aeryn deposited a kiss on Ennixx cheek and slapped her gently on the rear.

“Now Go.”

Ennixx left the house and headed up the road and Aeryn watched her until she faded out of sight. She then went back into the bedroom and picked up the locket and placed it around her neck.

“Five more cycles” she whispered. “Five more cycles and it should come again. You hang on Aeryn Sun. It’s not too late to see them all one last time. It’s not too late yet.”


********


Atana Mirtai

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