Scribbler's Suffix
Heart of the Matter
by KernilCrash
26 March 2002
“What the FRELL was wrong with the first one???” I think that sums up my experience with this story.
I‘ll start by saying that “Heart of the Matter” originated more from the song “Wednesday Morning, 3 A.M.”, and that horrible sense of a lost love than anything else. I NEVER write with music on, and the melody from the song was in my head the entire time I was writing this, so maybe that‘s where everything first went pear-shaped. Then the Youses Muses Gang got in a snit cuz I was listening to Paul and Art instead of them and they took off in a big way. So there I was, all by myself, with a huge collection of words on the screen that needed to be put in the right order, and not a Guinness or a Muse in the house. Hooooooboy!
I also must confess that I had recently watched 3.19 through 3.22 and, as a number of the fanfic writers will tell you, those episodes are mind warping. It definitely had an impact on this story … but telling how would involve spoilers.
I have been the overwhelmed beneficiary of an EXPLOSIVE reaction to my fictions by everyone on the Bulletin Board and the other various sights where I’ve posted my writing. But the fact still remains that I’ve only been writing … hmmm, scuse me, gotta count on my fingers … three months! I kid you not, and I’m not stretching the truth. THE POINT BEING … I still have very little real knowledge of what I am doing or how I have been wielding tools that I don’t even recognize as tools. That all came to roost while getting this story finished.
The whole writing venture has been a bit like finding myself on the back of an untamed horse (snipergirl78 is gonna love this one). I’m headed somewhere in one heck of a rush, but with no idea of where I’m going or what route we are going to take. I love the view from up here, but I really wish I had more control over the entire journey. And there is that occasional foray into the pucker brush that we won’t discuss right now!
Get to the point, Crash!!
This story was the first one where I actually had a goal -- a purpose and intent as to where I wanted the emotional beat to fall and how I wanted to get there. It was also a Beta-less effort and working without a safety net is a mind-frelling experience to a tyro. I got the first edition done, trying to learn about the tools I was using as I went along, and posted it. And three days later I decided I had made some cheap choices. I’d taken some short cuts with John’s thoughts after the crash, and I used Aeryn’s reference to her willingness to go back to Earth with JohnT to do some of the work I should have done myself.
The willies and the shakes set in, and when the BBQ asked to archive it, I went into a full fledged swivet. I was especially unhappy with the ending, which wasn’t anywhere near as bad as I perceived. And that leads us to a more realistic problem, which is the discrepancy between the story the writer sees inside her own head versus the story everyone else thinks they’re reading. That gap probably reached its greatest extent in this story. So I rewrote it, trying to fix what I saw as being wrong.
Everybody DUCK!!! Here comes that pendulum. It’s called Version 2, by the way.
The BBQ weighed in, very much at my invitation, with a wonderfully cogent assessment of the two versions. Sanity returned. I spent several hours with the two versions and her list of points spread out around me (a tip of my hat to my cat who helped ‘collate’ all the pages … grrrrrrr) and I began to see where I had improved the story (Day 2 on the planet) and where I had almost certainly damaged it by getting nervous (the ending). The nervousness came from not feeling in control of my effort.
What’s wrong with not feeling in control of what I’ve done as long as it’s good? Is that what you’re asking? Everyone who knows something about me, please repeat after me … She works for the government as a CONTROLLER!!! Get it? It’s on a cellular level. (Laugh, I’m trying to be funny.) Back to the drawing board. Version 3.
The BBQ has to take some credit for Version 3, because she said that if she had her choice she’d “dissect it like a melon and squish it together”. Wonderful idea, I thought … let’s go! She also helped me see where my personal vision of the story, and an obsessive desire to run a straight timeline had screwed up the pace and removed some impact.
For instance, Version 1 transitioned from smash, crash, kablooey right to John going “aahhhh” with his hands in the cold water on the morning of the second day. Version 2 didn’t do that. Here’s where the reader’s perspective comes in … some of you are going to be happier with a straight chronological tale and some are going to be happier with the contrast caused by the leap. I’m normally a fan of straight time lines, which contributed to the first rewrite, but I just found out how leaping forward and then reviewing can be valuable. The contrast of SMASH … AAHHHHH works very well here. Learning, learning, learning.
I concentrated more on John at the end in Version 2, but examining it again made me see that sometimes it is the actions of others around a character, and giving the reader a breather from the emotional rendering, that gives the ending some WHOOMPHF (or ouch as the case may be). Learning, learning, learning. And the BBQ was right about one other thing that I took out of V2 and put back in V3 … why on earth pass up a chance to see John in the shower??? (Sorry guys, female perspective wins on this one. If you want to see Aeryn in the shower, you’ll have to do it yourself.)
So I did a melon-mash and V3 consists of the original beginning (that never really did change), the half-and-half middle portion, and pretty much the original ending. So I hope you’ve enjoyed the obsessively-tweaked, new-and-improved-but-not-changed, flogged-to-dead-horse-death “Heart Of The Matter”. LOL.
To answer a few questions from the B-board and e-mails: “Are you nuts???” (for rewriting). I rest my case. YES. “I wondered many times how many writers are pros when I read their stories.” Not this one! “Writer’s workshops” (attending one). Haven’t you noticed? This entire experience is one and the community is entirely positive and non-threatening. I couldn‘t ask for a better College of Writing. “Have you considered going pro?” Yes, but not yet. Scared spitless of leaving my safe haven.
Besides … writing Farscape fanfic is just too much fun, even when I’m being psychotic about it. I’ll be back soon with another … and YOU can decide if that is a threat or a promise. <big grin and a snicker>
Kernil Crash
Purveyor of Hallucinations
Created on ... March 31, 2002
Farscape Fan Fiction, Ally's Pics
