FARSCAPE

PREVIOUSLY ON FARSCAPE

Teaser opens with standard voiceover by the "SciFi Prime Chick": "Previously on Farscape."

Short, but bad karma 'previously' clips, refreshing the twinned Crichton scenario, with clips from "Thanks for Sharing", and (arg!) "Infinite Possibilities, Part 2: Icarus Abides":

Insert clips from "Thanks For Sharing":

JohnM: "You can tell I'm the original... right?"
JohnT: "Wrong... I'm the original."

Jool: "You're both... perfect-- if that's the right word-- copies of the original Crichton."

JohnM: "He set it up... so that he's on Talyn with Aeryn!"

Insert clips from "Infinite Possibilities, Part 2: Icarus Abides":

John: "Radiation... massive radiation"

The 'death bed' scene with John and Aeryn. [ which I am so NOT revisiting here. ]

Teaser closes with standard voiceover by the "SciFi Prime Chick":

"And now... on Farscape."

---

COLD OPEN

MOYA, Transport Hangar

The alien vessel D'Argo picked up in "Suns & Lovers" hovers rockily just above the deck inside the transport hangar. The thing looks and sounds incredibly deadly, with red running lights, a large red engine exhaust at one end, and heavy weaponry hanging off its belly and sides. The sound of the engine is more like the sound of wind, a definate stealth craft. [ What was that Rygel told Grunschlk he wanted in a ship? "Strength, speed, and stealth"? This one has it all. ]

CUT TO - INT. Vessel - DArgo's in the drivers seat, and John hangs back and to the side, watching over D'Argo's shoulder.

D'ARGO: ( chuckling ) Outstanding.

CUT TO - EXT. Transport Hangar - the vessel hangs, wobbling slightly, in midair.

D'ARGO: [ O.V. ] Believe it or not, I'm actually getting better at controlling this thing.

CUT TO - INT. Vessel -

JOHN: How did you say you figured this out?

D'ARGO: Well, much trial and... error, actually.

CUT TO - EXT. Transport Hangar - at the rear of the vessel camera pans L to R as the ship rotates slowly, under good control. The heavy doors between the hangar and maintenance bays stand open.

JOHN: [ O.V. ] ( dubiously ) Yeah, it's impressive.

CUT TO - INT. Vessel - D'Argo grimaces, struggling with the controls a bit.

D'ARGO: Well, I haven't had much else to do.

JOHN: Takes time to learn to fly.

CUT TO - EXT. Transport Hangar - the ship continues to rotate, showing one of the side guns... not as impressive as the big frelling forward mounted belly gun... but serious hardware.

JOHN: [ O.V. ] I know you've been... practicing on the ground, but...

The ship tips slightly and then lurches to the side, like sliding on ice.

D'ARGO: [ O.V. ] Oh, whoa, hang on!

CUT TO - INT. Vessel - John and D'Argo are tossed about a bit as the vessel slams ungracefully to the deck.

CUT TO - EXT. Vessel - the entry ramp lowers to the deck and John backs down the steps, backing away from a very surly Luxan.

D'ARGO: ( shouting ) How many times?!

JOHN: One. Once. Uno. [ One. ] One time.

D'ARGO: You had to have touched something!

JOHN: D'Argo, I didn't touch... anything.

D'ARGO: How many times did I ask you?

JOHN: ( unintelligible protesting ) ...

D'ARGO: I said, "Do not go inside the ship!"!

JOHN: ( continues protesting... something about needing to calibrate something ... backing away while D'Argo continues shouting )

D'ARGO: I was using it!

D'Argo slams a heavy hand into John's shoulder. John staggers backward under the impetus of a frankly pissed off Luxan.

JOHN: Quit actin' like Yosemite Sam!

D'ARGO: I asked you just to stop!

Backing John all the way into the Maintenance Bay, D'Argo grabs his Qualta Blade from a worktable, brandishing it angrily. John's hands fly up, away from the pistol strapped to his thigh.

JOHN: Whoa! Hey! Yo, yo, yo, easy man! Remember what the doctors say about hyper-rage...

D'ARGO: John, I have nothing. Nothing! I have no wife, no son, no home... nothing!

John nods in ironic understanding of D'Argo's tirade of listed woes. An electronic whine from the ship draws his attention from the raging Luxan, spotting green lazer lights rotating at the base of the ship.

D'ARGO: I have been forced to manufacture distractions in order to live!

JOHN: D'Argo... D'Argo, your ship...

D'ARGO: That ship is all I have!

JOHN: ... look, no! It's your ship! ( points toward it )

D'ARGO: You sabotaged my frelling ship!

Another hard shove and John is hurled backward into a large stack of metallic crates. His shoulders and head impact heavily and camera cuts to excrutiating slo-mo as falling crates pound his skull while he slowly slumps to the floor. Shot is interspersed with quick cuts to the green light flashing at the base of the ship, and a close of D'Argo's "Oh, god, what have I done?" expression. John stubbornly succumbs, blue eyes sliding shut in an uncomprehending expression, the protective arm curled over his head slowly sliding across his face, to the floor.


His rage snuffed out, D'Argo's attention is finally drawn to the ship by a building electronic humming. He whirls about just in time to see the energy wave encompassing the ship, shoot outward across the hangar and maintenance bay. Cut to closeup on D'Argo's expression of stunned surprise as the energy wave races toward him.

END COLD OPEN

---

ROLL OPENING CREDITS

"My name is John Crichton... I'm lost... an astronaut... shot through a wormhole.... In some distant part of the universe.... I'm trying to stay alive... Aboard this ship-- this living ship... of escaped prisoners-- my friends. If you can hear me... beware... if I make it back... will they follow? If I open the door... are you ready? Earth is unprepared, helpless... for the nightmares I've seen. Or should I stay, protect my home, not show them you exist. But then you'll never know the wonders I've seen."

---

ACT I

EXT> Moya - - Exterior lighting along Moya's upper hull flicker and wink out.

JOOL: [ O.V. ] Pilot? ( beat ) Pilot?

PILOT: [ O.V. ] I'm sorry, Jool.

CUT TO - INT. Moya, Zhaan's Lab - in the smokey air, Jool bends over someone covered in a gold blanket on one of the tables, four large lights surround the figure at all four points of the bed and a neato 'scanner' thingee mounted at the head of the bed flickers a three dimensional representation of something or other. Imagine only Jool can read the 'readouts'. Camera moves in to long shot as Jool stands and circles the table, revealing that the patient is John. Camera continues to move into close.

PILOT: ( over comms ) But, as you can understand, I am...

JOOL: ( cutting in ) Yeah, yeah. He's not good. There's some blood in his skull and some swelling, and he's barely breathing.

PILOT: ( over comms ) Did the power cell in Zhaan's diagnostic scanner activate?

Close up on John as Jool places small silver circular objects on his forehead and temples.

JOOL: Anything with it's own power source still works. Pilot, John's fever's way up.

PILOT: ( over comms ) I can't control the temperature there

Camera cuts to close on the 3-D display over John's head. As he would say, "We gotta lotta peaks and valley here."

CUT TO - Pilot's Den - close on Pilot as he works at the controls, camera panning briefly in profile, right to left.

PILOT: Nor much else. The energy pulse seared all Moya's active power conduits.

Cut back to Jool hovering over John in the lab part of the maintenance bay. Ben shows amazing restraint as Tammy peels back one eyelid, and then the near eyelid without even flinching [ we know how eye sensitive he is. ].

PILOT: ( over comms ) We're fortunate comms weren't in use at the time.

JOOL: Is that krastik ship still frelling with us?

PILOT: Yes, D'Argo feels Crichton's interference must have triggered a security self-destruct sequence.

JOOL: Can he stop it?

PILOT: ( over comms ) When we last spoke, D'Argo was rather agitated.

CUT TO - Corridor - Chiana pursues D'Argo as they both march through the darkened corridors at a frantic pace.

D'ARGO: Which part of I don't know has you baffled?!

CHIANA: Can't flush the ship out.

D'ARGO: The hangar doors won't open!

CHIANA: Can't escape in a transport pod.

D'ARGO: ( emphatically ) The hangar doors won't open!

Flashlight in one hand, Qualta Blade in the other, D'Argo runs the last few paces to a closed door and hurls his weight against it to push it open.

CHIANA: Fix the hangar doors!

D'ARGO: Pilot has no control!

Chiana precedes D'Argo through the door, muttering angrily.

CHIANA: You really frelled us this time.

D'ARGO: Me?! It wasn't me.

CUT TO - Pilot's Den - Chiana, followed by D'Argo, enter the Den, Chi crossing the bridge to Pilot's console, D'Argo following, very frustrated.

D'ARGO: It was Crichton!

CHIANA: Oh, so you tried to kill him?

D'ARGO: I didn't try and kill him, he slipped!

Chi turns toward D'Argo who stops mid-bridge.

CHIANA: You're pathetic-- you really are-- we're all gonna die because--

D'Argo cuts her off with a frustrated yell, and hurls the Qualta Blade out across the open space above the Neural Nexus. Cut to backlit shot, close on the Qualta Blade, spinning in a flat arc against blackness. Cut to close on Chi, Pilot behind her, watching in stunned amazement as the weapon soars away. Cut to long CGI over the immense depths of the cavern below Pilot's Den, levels too numerous to count, similar to the level which holds Pilot and his console. Cut to close on D'Argo, his eyes cutting away from the vanished blade to Chia and Pilot.

PILOT: Ka D'Argo! Your Qualta Blade!

CHIANA: That was mature.

D'Argo gives her a surly expression and a mild growl, he turns away and Chi turns back to Pilot.

CHIANA: So, when's this ship gonna blow?

PILOT: Unknown. Moya and I have no active senses in the transport hangar...

CHIANA: Yeah, yeah, we get the idea. Wh-what do we do?

PILOT: Re-activate the DRDs. They're the only ones who can rewire Moya.

D'ARGO: Rewire?

PILOT: Your ship... crippled every internal conduit and power application running at the time.

D'ARGO: Then I'll cripple it.

D'Argo turns and leaves, and with one last look back to Pilot, Chi also exits.

CUT TO - Zhaan's Lab - Close on John lying quietly on the table, Jool in the bg, leaning against that lovely door we've never seen open.

CHIANA: ( over comms ) Hey, Princess...

JOOL: We're gonna die, aren't we?

CHIANA: ( over comms ) Eventually.

CUT TO - Corridor - Chiana walks a corridor, a DRD tucked under each arm. That lovely Aussie accent bleedin' through.

CHIANA: You got the mivonks to push the date back? Help D'Argo in the transport hangar...

She turns a corner and enters a chamber, the floor littered with numerous DRD's.

CHIANA: ... when he's sick of you... find me.

CUT TO - Zhaan's Lab - Close on John, Jool leans over him, placing a tender kiss on his temple before leaving, camera following briefly before cutting back to close on John, angle slightly up. A white light flares and obliterates all.

CUT TO - Theater of the Mind; Zhaan's Lab - the white light fades away, camera close in profile on John with the golden blanket pulled up just below his chin. His brow furrows, eyes cracking open slightly, at the sound of a familiar voice.

SCORPIUS: Do you know what's happening?

JOHN: Yeah.

A brief blur of black clad company between close on John and the camera, and John pulls the golden blanket up over his face. Cut to med on Scorpius and John as Scorpy circles the table to his left side, examining the 3-D read out.

JOHN: I'm dying.

SCORPIUS: Let's see what's left in the fuel tank.

JOHN: Go away and let me do what I gotta do.

SCORPIUS: Oh, what-- find a reason to live?

JOHN: I got plenty of reasons.

SCORPIUS: Then, give me...

Scorpy yanks the gold blanket off sulking John. John's wearing his favorite drive-in movie attire: Levi's with blue, red and white plaid shirt.

SCORPIUS: ... the Letterman List.

JOHN: Earth, Dad, pizza, sex... cold beer, fast cars, sex, Aeryn... love.

[ That's only nine, John. ]

SCORPIUS: Well... ( sighing ) we're dead.

JOHN: Screw you.

John closes his eyes, dismissing the clone.

SCORPIUS: None of that crap will get the job done, John.

Scorpy pulls one of the big lights closer, focusing the beam on John's face.

SCORPIUS: You die... you drag me with you. You want some advice?

JOHN: No.

SCORPIUS: Revenge.

JOHN: Revenge?

SCORPIUS: Yes. Love is transient, vaporous... and guess who Aeryn loves right now?

John's eyes snap open.

SCORPIUS: He wins... you lose.

JOHN: ( curtly ) Thank you for coming-go away.

SCORPIUS: Revenge is the strongest emotion, John.

JOHN: Go away.

SCORPIUS: D'Argo put you here!

JOHN: ( yelling ) Go!

SCORPIUS: Live to even the score!

JOHN: ( sitting up ) Goodbye, Scorpy! Bye-bye!

SCORPIUS: Your mind is no longer strong enough to control my comings and goings.

JOHN: Is that a challenge?

With nary a pause, a very interesting 'morph' takes place. Scorpy's familiar black clad form is 'drawn' into a literal 'cartoonish' shape, complete with cartoon sound effects and music. Starting with his left shoulder, black leather shifts to one dimensional purple; all boney legs and arms, three entire fingers per hand. Cooling rod chambers are now large 'corks', small red rimmed blue eyes widen in shock as toon-Scorpy whirls about in horror.

TOON-SCORPIUS: How did you...?

Toon-Scorpy moans and groans to the accompanyment of toon-music while John looks on, a very pleased with himself grin on his face.

TOON-SCORPIUS: Looney Tunes!

A final grunt and 'pop', and Scorpy shifts back to himself.

SCORPIUS: Wasted energy, John. Now, focus! Revenge is deep within your psyche. A core vestige from your earliest evolution. Unleash it now!

JOHN: No.

Close on Scorpy as the 'morph' takes place again, an indignant toon-Scorpy taking his place, protesting in a familiar, although higher-pitched, voice.

TOON-SCORPIUS: This After School Special... dissipates our chances of survival, John!

JOHN: Do you really want revenge?

TOON-SCORPIUS: ( eagerly ) Oh, yes!

JOHN: Okay.

Toon-music begins as John looks upward and we hear a 'decending whistle'. Toon-Scorpy looks up with a gasp and then a terrified howl. John's eyes follow the decending object. Cut to long from behind John as a 'huge green weight' labeled OZME on one side, and 1000 TON on the other, slams into the spot where Toon-Scorpy was standing. Appropriate cartoon sound effects accompany your standard squashing. Cut to close-up on John.

JOHN: Revenge. But only for you.

John reclines on the table, fingers laced over his chest, the 1000 Ton weight still sitting at an angle in the floor on the opposite side of the table.

CUT TO - INT. Alien Vessel - Jool gasps as D'Argo utters a shout of frustration.

JOOL: Are you sure that noise means we're going to explode? What if it's just a...

D'ARGO: Soft-core overload. It's... like it wants us to shut it down but, I don't know how.

JOOL: But you did it before.

D'ARGO: Whatever Crichton did... he disabled the sequence of commands I was building up.

JOOL: I mean, what if it wasn't Crichton? What if something's just happened?

D'ARGO: I've been off the ground on this thing four times. No problems. He did it.

CUT TO - Zhaan's Lab - Close on the 3-D display, whitish peaks shifting to blue with decreasing 'altitude', then to green, then yellow, and then the valleys, an ominous red. Fade to close on profile of John, unconcious on the table, gold blanket pulled up under his arms. A burst of white light obliterates the shot and...

CUT TO - Theater of the Mind; Pilot's Den - John saunters in, thumbs tucked into jeans pockets, plaid shirt flopped out over his hands and waistband.

JOHN: What's up dude? How you doin'?

PILOT: You're dying.

JOHN: ( casually ) Yeah, yeah. D'Argo tried to kill me.

PILOT: Perhaps an overstatement.

JOHN: Well, same net result.

PILOT: Is he an enemy you wish to harm?

JOHN: Oh, man. I don't even know why we're fightin'.

PILOT: Then rise above his behavior. Moya and I find it advantageous to avoid confrontation by egressing.

JOHN: Run away?

PILOT: Aggression feeds on opportunity. Remove yourself as a target and the pursuer will eventually tire.

John thinks this over, we see 'movement' at the entry point behind him. It's D'Argo sneaking up on him.

JOHN: You're very wise.

PILOT: I don't get out much... so, I read.

Cartoon sound effects... someone's sneaking up on John!

JOHN: Well, thanks for the advice.

PILOT: You could try it now... if you like.

Pilot nods to John's rear with a tilt of his huge carapace. John turns about to spot D'Argo who's caught 'flat footed'.

D'ARGO: Um...

JUMP CUT - Corridors - accompanied by 'running away' toon-music, John flees, through the corridor, pursued by D'Argo. John disappears from shot as he takes a curve in the corridor.

JOHN: ( muttering ) Aw, give me a break.

CUT TO - Maintenance Bay/Transport Hangar - long shot on John, entering at a run, dashing through the Maintenance Bay toward the module parked in the Transport Hangar. Still closely pursued by D'Argo. John leaps into the pilot's seat, sparing one backward glance at D'Argo, stopped at the midpoint, just behind the wing.

JOHN: Come on D'Argo, we're friends.

D'ARGO: No more, human.

D'Argo turns in profile, bending over slightly, revealing a large red and yellow OZME 'rocket', strapped to his back.

D'ARGO: You can run as much as you like. But, I'm gonna catch'ya.

Close on John's extremely fearful look as he slams the hatch closed. Cut to close on engines firing. Cut to close on D'Argo, an enraged growl. Cut to close on OZME rocket engine firing.

CUT TO - Theater of the Mind; CARTOON INTERLUDE - Over continuing cartoon music, first shot is 'outer space', full of large chunks of green and red asteroids. John's module enters the shot, sweeping left to right and cutting back left to come in close revealking John riding the module like a 'scooter', feet braced against the wings, and piloting with 'handle-bars' fixed to the roof.

TOON-JOHN: Yee haw!

Hunched over the steering wheel, toon-John drives across the 'cosmos', large and simply drawn purple and green 'planets' in the background, then driving 'through' the derelect remains of a 'space station'. toon-D'Argo is in 'hot pursuit'. John spares a backward glance, barely 'ducking' in time to avoid a smallish asteroid.

John looks back to note D'Argo also avoiding the asteroid, diving over it. D'Argo's rocket must be making better speed 'cause he catches up with John, making him duck out of the way of a swipe of his Qualta Blade.

TOON-JOHN: Yike! Come on man! Chill 'fore somebody gets hurt!

TOON-D'ARGO: Any guesses who, runt?

They continue dodging asteroids, D'Argo right on John's tailpipe. Looking back, John throws a word of warning.

TOON-JOHN: Better look out!

TOON-D'ARGO: ( laughing derisively ) Right! Like I'm gonna fall fer that!

Close on toon-D'Argo pointing at John just before being smashed into and knocked out of shot by something labeled "MIR". His Qualta Blade lofts, spinning, into space.

Cut to long shot of rendition of MIR space station with a small yellow craft docked at the rear, and D'Argo 'docked' on the point. Cut to close on D'Argo smashed uncomfortably on the side of the MIR.

Cut to long shot of John riding his scooter module into frame, to close as he peers downward at D'Argo's plight. The toon bit 'wrap music' playing as he delivers the 'punch'.

TOON-JOHN: God, I love science fiction!

He honks the small airhorn mounted on the handlebars and zips away.

CUT TO - Theater of the Mind; TOON INTERLUDE CONTINUES - on toon-planet, close on a large white box labeled "OZME ROCKET SURFER KIT". Camera pans right to toon-D'Argo fastening a long white rope to his right ankle. Grunting, he gives the rope a tug to ensure it'll hold tight, then tests the taughtness of the rope to where it's tied to a frelling huge orange and blue rocket, a green surfboard strapped to the top. D'Argo leaps onto the surfboard, and looks back down the road.

Cut to long shot of desert road, a fast moving object racing to camera. Cut to close on a small wooden sign with "THIS WAY HOME" painted on it. Puff of white smoke fades quickly to toon-John as he pulls to an abrupt stop to examine the sign. A small "hmm" of interest and he zips off again, a trail of white smoke in his wake.

Cut to close on toon-D'Argo smirking in satisfaction. Depressing a small red button, the rocket flares to life, vibrating violently before shooting off at a high rate of speed-- leaving toon-D'Argo hanging in mid-air-- D'Argo gives a slight "oh!", before slamming to the ground. Close on D'Argo sitting up, a disgruntled look on his face, not immediately noting the coil of rope spinning out in the wake of the rocket, his jaw drops as he notices it.

Cut to long shot of surface, the huge frelling rocket rapidly approaches to camera, then shooting past at a high rate of speed.

Cut to toon-D'Argo, frantically attempting to untie the other end of the rope from his ankle. Reaching rope length limit, D'Argo is abruptly hoinked outta his shorts, hands clawing frantically against the ground, his skirt blowing up past his waist, briefly revealing red with yellow dots boxers flapping in the wind as he's dragged behind the rocket.

Hopping along 'comically' behind the rocket, D'Argo latches onto a puny tree and gets stretched to his limit trying to halt the rocket. Cut to said rocket which 'runs outta gas', sputtering before being 'hoinked' back toward D'Argo, still clinging to the twig.

D'Argo gives the returning rocket a blinking "but of course" look before it slams into him, leaving only the small 'de-leafed' tree in it's wake.

Cut to close on large purple rock face. A small dot of shade growing larger just before the rocket slams into it. The fan of the rocket sputters to life again, spewing out shards of purple cloth into a small pile on the ground. With a 'pop' a pair of eyes wink open in the purple pile, followed by D'Argo's legs, and the pile of purple cloth scurries away.

CUT TO - Theater of the Mind; TOON INTERLUDE CONTINUES - long shot on green cartoon sky, the 'desert' scape is really only a large flat asteroid with space station debris behind it. The SCIFI emblem in the lower right hand corner is also 'animated'. Camera zooms in to 'close' on desert scape asteroid, then cuts to close on D'Argo pounding a sign labeled "WORMHOLE THIS WAY" into the ground with a large mallet before dashing off.

Cut to toon-D'Argo dashing up to a large purple rock face and 'painting' a 'wormhole' onto the rockface [ anyone NOT seen a Road Runner cartoon? ] Finishing with a final flourish and a satisfied "Ah!", toon-D'Argo dashes into hiding to the side of the rock face.

Cut to long shot of desert scape asteroid, John's module scooting making toward it.

TOON-JOHN: This is Farscape One. I am free and flying.

Toon-John's scooter flies low over the surface of the desert scape asteroid.

Cut to close on toon-D'Argo peering out from hiding with an evil chuckle.

Cut to long shot of John flying low over the desert road, rocking back and forth, humming "Ride of the Valkyries", in total joy ride mode.

He brakes to a sudden stop in front of the sign D'Argo planted.

TOON-JOHN: Whoa-ho! ( eyes bugging out in total pleasure ) Wormhole!

Turning off the road he rockets straight toward the painted wormhole-- and disappears inside.

Cut to long shot of D'Argo standing in the open, his jaw dropping-- literally-- to the ground. He lifts his jaw off the ground, closing his mouth, and with stupid determination... runs out of hiding, fires his rocket, and flies straight into the painted wormhole. A loud and painful slamming noise, if not his face squashed against the side of the rock wall, testament to his failure. His flattened body peels off the wall, leaving a 'D'Argo shaped' purple spot in the center of the painted wormhole, drifts slowly toward ground, re'inflating just in time so he hits the ground-- hard.

CUT TO - Theater of the Mind; TOON INTERLUDE CONTINUES - close on the yellow tip of an even larger frelling rocket, D'Argo straps himself to its belly, a small rod propping the huge frelling rocket off the ground. A small startled gasp, D'Argo hears John approaching, humming "Ride of the Valkaries".

Cut to long shot of John doing his 'joy ride' down the road, humming.

Cut to long shot on D'Argo, then zoom close on his evil cackle as he presses a small red button with left thumb, and hey, he's only got three fingers too! hehe

Rocket bursts to life, vibrating violently-- shaking the 'prop stick' right out from under it and burying D'Argo beneath the weight of the rocket just as John zips past, hooting a mad version of the Road Runners 'bleeping'. Cut to close on toon-John looking back over his shoulder.

TOON-JOHN: Yo, Harvey! Front and center, dude!

Toon-Scorpy drops onto the nose of John's scooter.

TOON-JOHN: Whoa!

TOON-SCORPIUS: Oh!

TOON-JOHN: ( sing-song ) Pilot was right, you were wrong. Pilot was right, you were wrong. If I keep running, nothing can hu--ahh!

The scooter flies into a large spiders web slung between several small red asteroids. Toon-Scorpy flies off the nose of the scooter and lands on one of the asteroids, but John is stuck fast to the web.

TOON-SCORPIUS: Nothing can hurt you? Is that what you're trying to say?

John struggles in the web and a spider-version of D'Argo hops off one of the asteroids, scurrying across the web toward him, Qualta Blade raised. John spots him, and his eyes bug out, screaming frantically. Spider-D'Argo scurries closer as John screams, taking a 'swipe' at him, pinned in the web.

CUT TO - Zhaan's Lab - Close on the 3-D scanner read out, the peaks and valleys slump to greenish hills and valleys, the hills quickly fading to reddish valleys only.

CUT TO - Theater of the Mind; Zhaan's Lab - close-up on John's right eye being pried open by black clad fingers. Cut to close on Scorpius leaning over John, the shot partially 'cloaked' by the blackness created by John's eyelid.

SCORPIUS: You can only run for so long, John. Even in the childlike safety of your cartoon.

Cut to close-up of John's eye being held open by Scorpy's fingers, cut back to close on Scorpy, partially cloaked by John's eyelid.

SCORPIUS: My way... will sustain you!

Cut to close-up on John's eye, the eyelid batting weakly against the hold.

SCORPIUS: [ O.V. ] Mother's milk.

Cut to long shot of Scorpius, angle down, kneeling on the table over John, grunting with each chest compression administered.

SCORPIUS: Brutal ( grunt )... real ( grunt )... revenge ( grunt )!

Scorpius sighs, all tuckered out. Leaning in, he peels open John's right eyelid again.

SCORPIUS: ( loudly ) John?

Shot shifts to John's POV, Scorpy partially cloaked by the blackness created by John's eyelid.

SCORPIUS: ( loudly ) Take revenge, John!

Scorpy grins and nods encouragingly.

CUT TO - Pilot's Den - Jool paces in front of the console.

PILOT: Chiana's efforts with the DRDs have restored minimal functioning. We now have a presence in the maintenance bay, and... our analysis of that ship's energy signature indicates it will explode in just under an arn.

JOOL: Under an arn?

PILOT: An estimate only.

JOOL: Can you do something?

PILOT: We will not be able to expel that ship.

JOOL: So, we're all gonna die?

PILOT: Moya and myself, certainly. However... I may have a way to save you. Take food, liquids and a long-range frequency modulator to Tier 16's treblin side pressure hatchway. You should be able to survive a few solar days prior to hypothermia... if I jettison it.

JOOL: ( weeping ) Oh, Pilot!

PILOT: Go.

JOOL: ( weeping ) We can't just leave you.

PILOT: Go!

END ACT I

---

ACT II

Maintenance Bay/Transport Hangar - - Chiana enters the darkened Maintenance Bay, crossing into the Transport Hangar, a flashlight in one hand, pulse rifle in the other.

CHIANA: Gotcha Princess. Treblin side hatch, Tier 16. I'm gonna try something, then I'll meet you in the cold storage. We're not leaving without Crichton.

JOOL: ( over comms ) But Pilot said...

CHIANA: ( cutting in ) An arn! Load the supplies. Do... what I tell you. Children.

Chi climbs into the alien vessel, approaching D'Argo sitting dejectedly in the Pilot's seat.

D'ARGO: Nothing works. I've failed.

CHIANA: Move D'Argo. Let mommy shoot it.

D'ARGO: No, no, no, no. no. It won't let you.

CHIANA: Well, let's get outta here.

D'ARGO: ( sighing ) I don't like to lose.

CHIANA: Well, then why'd you let go of me?

Chi turns to leave the ship.

D'ARGO: Oh-- ( lapsing into virulent Luxan )!

They're both startled by an electronic whine from the front of the ship. A holo display lights, reddish orange, many tiny archaic symbols run across the display. Chi climbs back into the ship, crouching behind D'Argo.

CHIANA: What'd you say?

D'ARGO: Just something Luxan. My Grandfather used to say it all the time.

He reaches out to touch the display and Chi pushes his hand away.

CHIANA: Hey! What're you doing?

D'ARGO: I'm not quite sure, but I think that is a Luxan symbol for "spoken word".

CHIANA: You can read that?

D'ARGO: A little bit. I'm not really up on my Ancient Luxan.

An 'electronic voice' begins speaking... sounds like D'Argo at his 'luxan best'.

CHIANA: What...

D'Argo, listening intently, shakes his head slightly.

CHIANA: What's it saying? ( beat ) What?!

D'ARGO: I don't know!

CHIANA: Well, is it Luxan?

D'ARGO: Yes!

CHIANA: Well then, how could you not know?

D'Argo grabs her shoulders and sets her forcefully in the co-pilot's chair.

D'ARGO: I am not Ancient Luxan. I do not speak Ancient Luxan, and I do not read Ancient Luxan, because I am not Ancient Luxan!

Chiana looks away from D'Argo.

CHIANA: ( unhappily ) And not likely to become one either.

CUT TO - INT. PILOT'S DEN - D'Argo crosses the bridge, flashlight in hand.

PILOT: Ka D'Argo! Moya's dead-language library is incomplete!

D'ARGO: What about ancient war declarations?

Pilot and D'Argo talk simultaneously, again making it difficult to impossible to tell what each is saying.

PILOT: My access to it at this time even more so!

D'ARGO: ...even some historical transcriptions of speeches. You can even...

PILOT: At best I can find words...

D'ARGO: ...try some anti-luxan propaganda!

PILOT: ...fragments of words.

D'ARGO: ( frustrated sigh ) Pilot, that ship is trying to kill us. I need to know why it speaks Luxan.

PILOT: The DRDs can prepare a supplemental...

D'ARGO: Good! Good!

PILOT: translator microbe...

D'ARGO: Do it! Just do it!

D'Argo charges out on the heels of Pilot's unfinished protests.

PILOT: ...injection with any data I un--

Pilot groans in frustration.

CUT TO - CORRIDOR - Closeup on John, unconscious on the table as Jool on the left and Chia on the right, propel it down the corridor, trying not to run down the steadi-cam guy.

JOOL: How can he not learn his ancient tongue? What kind of civilization doesn't pass on it's culture?

CHIANA: They're warriors. Most of them didn't learn to read or write until 300 cycles ago.

Turning a corner in the corridor, Chia and Jool turn, walking backward at the head of the table, pulling it behind them.

JOOL: That's ridiculous. It's savage. I'll wager there are no artists or chefs there either.

CHIANA: What is your problem?

Jool stops pulling and stands, the table rolls to a stop.

JOOL: I did it.

CHIANA: You usually do. What?

JOOL: I was in his ship.

CHIANA: What?

JOOL: I... I didn't mean to. I...

CHIANA: You... need to die horribly.

JOOL: Oh, like you never screw up!

CHIANA: You gonna compare this to anything I do?

JOOL: Don't you think I feel bad?

In a total snit, Jool starts yanking the table along, walking backward again while she continues a full fledged argument with Chi. Shot cuts back and forth to each as they shout at the other.

JOOL: And here I confide in you!

CHIANA: Do not-do not....

JOOL: And what do you do? You turn on me!

Both continue to shout over the other, completely unintelligibly in the semi-darkness of the corridor, shot slowly widens to a three shot of Jool and Chi, with the soft yellow hills and valleys of the 3-D display between them as they advance down the corridor.

CHIANA: ....frelled!

JOOL: Just, shut up!

They stop pulling the table, panting quietly.

JOOL: All right.

CHIANA: Okay.

JOOL: All right.

CHIANA: You go.

JOOL: All right. I've given it a lot of thought...

They start pushing the table back the direction they came, the better to head it down a side corridor passed moments before. As they push they both being speaking at the same time... again, their voices rising to hysteria pitch... again.

CHIANA: Okay.

JOOL: ...and I think actually...

CHIANA: I think the best thing to do right now is just to calm down... and figure this out.

JOOL: ...maybe it was, maybe it was something Crichton did, and while things are still bad...

CHIANA: ...and, while there's nothing we can do about it right now, so...

JOOL: ...there's no reason D'Argo should be mad at me, is there?

The table jolts heavily and John groans, Jool and Chi continue unabated, pushing and yammering unintelligibly.

JOOL: ...I don't know how I can make my point when you will not...

CHIANA: Oh, skelnick!

They give the table a final push, rolling it into a darkened chamber. Neither notice that John's body isn't on the table any longer.

CHIANA: Would you just...

They stand angrily, nose to nose.

BOTH: ...stop talking!

CHIANA: Okay. ( panting heavily ) Now it's my turn.

Camera cuts from close on profile looking into chamber to close on profile looking down the corridor, just in time for D'Argo to enter the corridor, flashlight in hand, to witness the final phase tralk fight.

CHIANA: We are going to do the right thing...

JOOL: I think I know what to do...

CHIANA: ...and my personal hatred for you will be satisfied...

BOTH: ( shrieking simultaneously )

D'ARGO: ( cutting in ) Girls! What...

The girl's heads 'whip' toward D'Argo. Cut to close on D'Argo.

D'ARGO: ...are you doing? Huh?!

D'Argo gestures to the floor, cut to close on John lying collapsed on the floor. [ my mind wanders, well, there was the blanket of course. ] Cut to close on girls looking slightly agast at this lapse.

JOOL: Ah...

CHIANA: ( casually ) Having a conversation.

JOOL: Yeah.

D'ARGO: "Having a conversation". Obviously very interesting.

They both run back down the corridor, kneeling beside John, Jool looking up at D'Argo.

D'ARGO: Listen. This is my only chance with these translator microbes. If it doesn't work, be here-- ready! Okay?!

D'Argo bolts, heedless of Jool's delaying hand, which Chiana yanks down. Jool squeals and looks at Chiana.

CHIANA: Now, you listen to me. D'Argo has a lot on his mind at the moment. If we survive, you tell him anything you like.

JOOL: I just need too...

CHIANA: No! Do not-- Do not tell him.

Chiana gets up and leaves, leaving Jool with John management. Fade to white.

CUT TO - Theater of the Mind; Corridor - fade in from white, Jool's still in position, John's head resting in her cupped hand on her thighs.

JOHN: Isn't she great?

JOOL: ( blandly ) Yeah. I'm thrilled with our relationship.

JOHN: Well.

Close-up on John, before he rolls to his feet, gathering the golden blanket. [ rats ]

JOHN: D'Argo and I aren't gettin' along too good these days either.

He helps Jool to her feet with a casually offered hand, she follows him back down the corridor.

JOOL: ( sarcastically ) Yeah. He put you in a coma.

JOHN: I gotta figure out what to do about that.

Tossing the blanket on the table, he takes one end, and she takes the other, maneuvering it into one final turn, down a short subpassage and into a small circular chamber.

JOOL: How hard's that? You're gonna die.

JOHN: Well, Scorpy thinks I should get revenge. Pilot wanted me to run, but that didn't work. You got any ideas?

JOOL: You once said to me that our species might be related.

John climbs back onto the table, covering himself with the blanket.

JOOL: If... that's true, you have to have a measure of intelligence about you, which means you can reason. Be honest. Talk to him. Work out the problem.

He lays back on the table, pulling the blanket up over his chest.

JOOL: Conflict's for barbarians.

JUMP CUT - INT. TRANSPORT HANGAR - Exterior shot of darkened hangar, alien vessel humming quietly. Cut to INT. Vessel, in the pilot's seat, D'Argo listens to the 'alien' language.

JOOL: ( softly ) D'Argo?

D'Argo sighs quietly. With a slight smirk of anger he leans forward and deactivates the holodisplay as Jool tenatively approaches, sitting in the co-pilot's chair.

JOOL: I think it may have been me. I was in here earlier. I didn't touch anything, I was just here.

Cutting her off, he brandishes a small fuzzy object in her face.

D'ARGO: I found this in the control! Your hair!

He throws the small clump of hair at her.

JOOL: Are you going to kill me?

D'ARGO: I've already hurt Crichton today. That's enough.

JOOL: I didn't mean to cause any of...

D'ARGO: ( shouting ) Well, what did you mean?! I mean, what were you doing in here?!

D'Argo turns away with some effort, panting heavily, getting himself back under control.

JOOL: I know... that I can be... difficult.

D'Argo snorts derisively. She ignores that, forging ahead.

JOOL: That no one wants to spend time with me. You're someone... who... I like, and I know... that since the problems with your son and Chiana... that you've preferred to be alone... in here. I just thought... if this is so important to you... that maybe... maybe if I learned a little about it... we might have something to talk about.

She quivers and is near tears thoughout, but determinedly makes it through the 'being honest' and 'working it out' part of her nature that John apparently knows so well. D'Argo, not being a great one for words, is nevertheless, appreciative of her honesty and her obvious feelings.

D'ARGO: ( softly ) Thanks for making the effort.

Jool smiles slightly, and sighs, obviously relieved on being still alive.

CUT TO - Theater of the Mind; Corridor - shot from someone's quarter's into the corridor. John's voice is heard approaching before we 'see' him, passing by the open door of the quarters R to L. Head down, thoughtful, thumbs tucked in pants pockets. Long shot, yup, blue boat shoes. He's adorable!

JOHN: ( distantly ) D'Argo, we're friends, right? And... friends don't let friends drive drunk...

Before he passes out of shot, the curvaceous partial profile of a toon-chick intrudes on frame right, hips swaying slightly, elbow cocked out perkily with hand perched on an ample shelf of hip. Very Rubenesque.

A 'very' feminine, and quite recognizable voice, intrudes on his revere with an assertive "ah-hm!"

His right heel freezes just before passing out of shot and rocks backward. He steps back into frame, walking backward to center of frame, head cocked to the side, getting an 'eyeful'. He looks down briefly, bashful grin on his face, very junior highschoolish [ wha'd I say about that "adorable" stuff? ] If he had socks on, they'd be off.

JOHN: Wow. You look great.

Cut to long shot of Aeryn in full toon-babe mode. Ultra-narrow points in all the right places, filling out to incredible curves. She sways a bit, the red trimmed sheer negligee swaying, her black hair in a loose ponytail. Cleavage all the way to her ultra-narrow waist, both hands perched on curvaceous hips. She sways toward him a couple of sultry steps.

TOON-AERYN: ( sultry laugh ) Is this the best you could do?

She looks up at him through half-lidded eyes.

JOHN: I, uh...

He takes a few steps toward her, his eyes locked on her.

JOHN: I miss you.

TOON-AERYN: Obviously.

His gaze drifts... down.

TOON-AERYN: ( coldly ) Where are my clothes?

She drills him with a piercing blue eyed gaze.

JOHN: On... Talyn. You and that... other guy-- the other me-- you're not, uh...

TOON-AERYN: Mm, don't do it to yourself, John.

JOHN: Right.

Nodding distractedly, he turns and walks slowly away.

TOON-AERYN: Oh, no, no, no. Before you go, you fix this!

She points emphatically at her seductive garb, particularly the thigh high black hose with lovely black garters. John blinks in thought, and he hauls a 6' green pencil from behind the doorway. Slinging it up in both hands he walks closer to her, bringing the eraser to bear. Close on John as he makes 'erasing with a frelling big pencil' motions accompanied by cartoon 'erasing' noises. Cut to close on Toon-Aeryn as she 'vanishes', bottom to top.

Cut to John as he flips the pencil to the business end, and with a slightly mischevious look 'draws-in' an all new Toon-Aeryn. Cut to close on bg quarters and animated pencil as it draws a red-headed and ultra buxomy Aeryn with a few deft strokes. Proof that John's seen "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?", Aeryn sways before him, the right half of her face obscured by a lush fall of red hair, a tight red dress covering an impossible loft of breast.

He steps back, very proud of his work, pencil tip braced on the ground, one hand on hip, grinning widely.

TOON-AERYN: Um-hm.

Aeryn rolls her shoulder seductively, unnecessarily increasing the lift of her bosom. John does his best not to drool.

TOON-AERYN: I get it. ( doing a passable Kathleen Turner ) "I'm not bad."

Aeryn sashays in front of John, his eyes drawn inexorably to her forward carriage, his own work turned against him, he's virtually speechless, and likely breathless.

TOON-AERYN: "I'm just drawn that way."

She embraces the pencil, taking it away from him and marches back into the room.

TOON-AERYN: Oh, please! At least use a little imagination!

She snaps the pencil in half across her knee and tosses it away. Then does the Superman 'swirl', unswirling as Marilyn Monroe-Aeryn from "The Seven Year Itch", but singing an entirely different 'tune'.

TOON-AERYN: ( singing breathlessly ) "Happy Birthday, Mister Astronaut..."

Cut to close on John, throughly appreciating the loft of her white dress. Cut to close on Toon-Aeryn, swirling into another form: Cleopatra, with appropriate bobbed hair, gold jewelry and, ah, not much else. She recites while doing "Walk Like An Egyptian" gestures.

TOON-AERYN: "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?"

JOHN: ( helpfully ) Honey, that's the wrong Shakespeare.

Swirl again and she reappears in Dorothy drag from "Wizard of Oz" [ hehe ]. The small dog in her arms growls as she taps her heels together thrice, reciting in a sweet girlish voice:

TOON-AERYN: "There's no place like home."

John grins again, appreciatively. Another swirl and it's Madonna in bullet-bra phase, although let's call this one 'Missile Bra' phase.

TOON-AERYN: Hey, Johnny? Like a virgin?

Swirl and it's Babe Watch... aw, John, Baywatch! geez! In full ditzy blonde mode... blonde hair in the loose Aeryn ponytail.

TOON-AERYN: ( uncertain ) I'd... like... ( decisively ) rescue you!

JOHN: ( grinning ) Can you do that Sharon Stone thing? Basic Instinct.

Another swirl and she reappears in a much more 'matronly' form, imagine YOUR girlfriend as Betty Ford?! [ Hey, while "Just say no." gained noteriety as Nancy Reagan buzzwords, Betty Ford founded it, and let's face it... Nance never looked 'matronly', plus, she even 'looks' like Bett. Although, I guess only the animators know for sure. ]

TOON-AERYN: Johnny, just say...

JOHN: No!

TOON-AERYN: There's a good boy.

A final swirl and she reappears as black PK clad Aeryn. [ Not a bad trade for slinky negligee clad Aeryn, I'd say. ]

TOON-AERYN: Thank you. Now...

She walks toward him, accompanied by that Flintstones 'walking' sound effect. [ wooden blocks? ]

TOON-AERYN: What are you gonna do about D'Argo?

Cut to close on John in frame left, D'Argo peers out from a side corridor, one of those impossible toon 90 degree angle peers.

JOHN: I dunno. I'm... supposed to talk to him. Not really sure what to say. Any advice... help?

TOON-AERYN: D'Argo!

John turns, spotting D'Argo who tries, unsuccessfully to be 'unspotted', drawing out of sight except for hilt of Qualta Blade between the fingertips... of both hands. Cut back to close of toon-Aeryn beyond John's shoulder.

TOON-AERYN: D'Argo, could you just leave... young Johnny alone, please?

D'Argo peers out from the corner again at same previously impossible 90 degree angle.

D'ARGO: Um... no.

With a slight snarl, D'Argo goes in full pursuit of a fleeing Crichton. Cut to close on toon-Aeryn.

TOON-AERYN: Run, Forrest! Run!

CUT TO - Cold Storage - close on John as toon pursuit music continues.

CUT TO - Theater of the Mind; TOON INTERLUDE - Toon-D'Argo paints a wormhole on a flat rock face, this one flanked by immense babewatch twins. A wolf-whistle o.v. as the camera pulls back to reveal the finished work. Hearing John whistling, D'Argo grunts in surprise and dashes to cover at the side of the wall, peering out and cackling evilly.

Cut to John riding his scooter past a sign reading "WORMHOLE THIS WAY", humming "Ride of the Valkyries". He pulls to a stop just in front of the babewatch wormhole.

TOON-JOHN: Come on, D. Let, Let's talk this out.

D'Argo leaps out of cover, brandishing a big frelling gun.

TOON-D'ARGO: Ha-hah! Never!

TOON-JOHN: Ladies, comin' through.

John zips into the wormhole and disappears. D'Argo stammers in a hideous rage, slamming the weapon to the ground. He stalks toward the painted wormhole, extending a finger-- and it passes though, making slight rippling movements around his hand. D'Argo looks stunned, and taking a few backward running steps-- runs toward the painted wormhole-- and passes though.

Bursting out a second later, crushed into the nose of the starship Enterprise!

Cut to close on D'Argo as he pulls his face out of the impression his face made in the front of the ship. O.V. we hear a suspiciously familiar voice.

SCOTS VOICE: [ O.V. ] Captain... we hit something with the front of the ship!

Cut to long shot of the rear of Enterprise and she screeches to a halt, and then 'winks' out at warp speed.

CUT TO - Theater of the Mind; TOON INTERLUDE CONTINUES - John walks haplessly along, searching out a friend.

TOON-JOHN: ( calling out ) D'Argo! We're friends, big man! How 'bout a little rock, paper, scissors, to work through your--

Stopping involuntarily as the nose of a rifle meets John's nose.

TOON-JOHN: --anger?

TOON-D'ARGO: I... don't think so, John.

TOON-JOHN: You'd really shoot me? ( beat ) We could get counseling, I know a guy.

John bats the muzzle of the rifle up as it fires. D'Argo growls and straightens the muzzle. John bats it sideways as it fires again.

TOON-JOHN: Dr. Chuck Jones...

D'Argo straightens it, John bats it down before it fires.

TOON-JOHN: Dr. Chuck Jones wrote the book on these situations.

D'Argo nods in understanding. John bats the muzzle and it spins like a pinwheel, and he stands casually tossing a small object up and down. Growling, D'Argo stops the pinwheel, fixing the muzzle so it's aimed at John. John places the small object on the rifle barrel, at D'Argo's end-- it's the weapons site. D'Argo grimaces and shoves the site down toward the end pointed at John. John reciprocates by placing the site back down at D'Argo's end. John shivers and screams in fear, as D'Argo fires, the blast hitting him right in the face [ well, he did place the site at the right end for him. ] D'Argo spins the barrel of the rifle around, so the site is back on his end, fires, and blasts himself in the face again. [ just don't seem fair, does it? hehe ]

As the smoke clears, John struts away, triumphant.

TOON-JOHN: Yo, babe, Jool, you were right...

But he's cut off as D'Argo bashes him on the skull with the butt of the rifle.

TOON-D'ARGO: You think so?

John goes down in a heap. Struggling to rise as D'Argo brings the rifle back for the coup de' grace. John screams in terror.

CUT TO - Theater of the Mind; Cold Storage - Scorpius kneels over John, administering electric shocks with that thing we see on ER almost every week.

SCORPIUS: Clear!

Cut to close on 3-D display, now showing only sadly vertically challenged reddish valleys.

SCORPIUS: Clear!

Scorpius, garbed in ER gear, administers another shock-- John's body lurches involuntarily. Scorpius grunts in frustration, tossing the paddles down. Turning he grabs up another high tech device, tossing it across the room [ looks like a mop handle ], then picks something else up, he rushes back to John's unresponsive side, dashing a bucketful of cold mop water in his face. John sits up gasping then sputtering.

SCORPIUS: You feel the life... ebbing from both of us, John? The creep of cadaverous cold? Achilles-- I believe, your strength... has a weakness.

John sweeps water out of his eyes with one hand, shaking his head violently to throw off excess water.

SCORPIUS: Your stubborness has served you well in the past... but now it is killing you, John. These cartoons are a crutch. Attempting to shield yourself instead of doing what is called for... Revenge.

John shoots him a sidelong, waterlogged look.

CUT TO - Pilot's Den -

PILOT: D'Argo... the DRD should be there any microt.

CUT TO - INT. Alien Vessel - a DRD slides across the deck of the vessel, toward D'Argo's boot.

PILOT: ( over comms ) All I could do was piece together fragments of language. An incomplete vocabularly at best.

D'ARGO: ( sighing ) That's all anyone can ask, Pilot. Let's give it a shot.

PILOT: ( over comms ) The DRD will inject you.

Close on the DRD as it does, with that lovely air hissing noise, yuck! D'Argo winces, Jool does too, in sympathy.

D'ARGO: Ow.

D'Argo leans forward, activating the holo display, the synthesized Luxan voice begins again. D'Argo listens intently, watching larger characters scoll across the display [ they look Japanese writing inspired ]

JOOL: ( quietly ) What's it say?

D'ARGO: ( makes shushing noise ) Shhh.

An enlargement of three separate symbols appears on the display.

JOOL: ( quietly ) D'Argo, you have to tell me.

Listening further, D'Argo begins a slow translation.

D'ARGO: ( translating ) "Active self-destruct code can be voided... with one of three... ah, pre, pre-determined, ah, artifacts, singular to Luxan heritage. Ancient Freedom Text--" That's very rare. "An Orican's Prayer Amulet." ( sighs ) This is... hopeless.

The synthesized voice continues, speaking the final article over and over it seems as the same 'syllables' are fairly recognizable, becoming more recognizable with each repetition. A dawning realization hits D'Argo as he recognizes the final artifact.

SYNTHESIZED VOICE: ...Qualta Blade.

JOOL: What?

D'Argo exhales in amazement, his mouth hanging open slightly.

JOOL: What? What does it want?

Fade to an image of D'Argo's Qualta Blade soaring out over the abyss below Pilot's Den. Fade back to D'Argo's agast expression.

JOOL: What?!

SYNTHESIZED VOICE: ...Qualta Blade.

END ACT II

---

ACT III

INT. Pilot's Den - - close on Pilot as D'Argo enters, Jool trailing behind.

PILOT: With so little time left, I suggest you all start to prepare--

D'ARGO: --begin searching, immediately!

Chiana's already present, peering over the side of the bridge where the Qualta Blade disappeared. D'Argo joins her, looking downward.

D'ARGO: Now, I threw it over in this direction here.

JOOL: Why would you do that?!

CHIANA: Short version? Because of you.

D'ARGO: Now... I heard it falling, so it could be on one of those tiers down there, or, uh... it could have fallen all the way down the neural cluster.

CHIANA: So, we split up and search.

Chiana dashes.

PILOT: A caution. The DRDs use this empty cavern to deposit construction and repair refuse--

D'ARGO: It's a reasonable risk, start searching!

CUT TO - Cold Storage - close on John's somnolent profile, camera panning briefly before fading to white.

JOHN: [ O.V. ] Hey, Pip.

CUT TO - Theater of the Mind; Command - Chia's playing hide and seek with John in the small recess behind Moya's golden wall struts in command. John peers around the side of one, and Chi pokes her head out.

JOHN: You got a sec?

CHIANA: Sure.

But she disappears behind the wall again. John prowls left along the wall, peering around another wall strut.

JOHN: You up on everything that's goin' on?

Chiana appears between two golden wall struts, leaning in close to John, who casually leans toward her, hand braced on a wall sconce.

CHIANA: Yeah. You're dying.

JOHN: Yeah.

CHIANA: Scorpius wants you to get revenge.

JOHN: Hm.

CHIANA: Pilot says, run like a... a scalded kepnetz.

JOHN: Yeah.

CHIANA: And Jool would talk D'Argo's ear off... till he committed suicide.

She disappears behind the wall again with a small laugh. John prowls right, hoping to meet her at the next opening.

JOHN: So, uh... what do you think?

He peers into the recess, but she pops out the one behind him.

CHIANA: Well, revenge is sweet...

Slightly startled, he spins around, back pressed to the wall. Chiana presses her back against him, stroking the side of his face. Her hand lowers, disappearing from frame [ reminicent of a moment from ACN ]

CHIANA: It's always worth the effort...

John's subsequent 'wince' is accompanied by O.V. of Jool groaning.

CUT TO - NEURAL CLUSTER; Various Levels - close on Jool's hands holding a flashlight out, the beam illuminating an expanse of 'muck'. She wades through it, thigh deep.

JOOL: ( groaning in disgust ) Why do I get the cellar, and you guys get the catwalk?

Cut to D'Argo, a flashlight of his own, the beam playing about an area clutter by debris. He kicks an item out of his way.

JOOL: ( over comms ) This place smells horrible.

CHIANA: ( over comms ) Guaranteed by your arrival.

JOOL: ( muttering over comms ) Sugnil.

D'ARGO: ( wearily ) Chiana.

Cut to Chiana, her flashlight beam also searching through piles of debris.

CHIANA: What do you want, D'Argo? What? I should bottle it up and become a Luxan?

D'ARGO: ( over comms ) Well, showing a little bit of self restraint wouldn't hurt.

Cut to D'Argo

D'ARGO: ( shouting ) Any luck?

CHIANA: ( over comms ) Just crap...

Cut to Chiana

CHIANA: ... and dren. ( continues searching ) Hey, Princess, watch out.

JOOL: ( over comms ) Watch out for what?

CHIANA: Chunks of metal.

Cut to Jool

CHIANA: ( over comms ) Don't get hit.

Jool searches about frantically with her flashlight, but can only see the slick-grainy surface of the gunk.

JOOL: There's no metal down here, there's just muck. ( pleadingly ) Do you have muck?

CHIANA: ( over comms ) Oh, yeah... up to my crotch in it.

[ While I'm LOLing, not believing she said what I heard... ] Cut to D'Argo as he accidently/on purpose kicks a large piece of debris. It soars over the side of the tiers bridge. D'Argo crouches at the edge, shouting a warning, his flashlight beam aimed downward.

D'ARGO: Chiana! Jool! Watch out!

Cut to Jool

JOOL: For what?!

A huge crash and splash of muck just to her left, and Jool screams!

Cut to Chiana, smirking just a bit.

Cut to Jool

JOOL: You little slut!

D'ARGO: ( over comms ) No, no.

Cut to D'Argo

D'ARGO: It wasn't Chiana. It was me.

Cut to Jool

JOOL: Then how did she know?

Cut to Chiana

CHIANA: I dunno. Just made sense.

CUT TO - Cold Storage - close profile of John, still checked out for a bit.

JOHN: [ O.V. ] No revenge...

Fade to white.

CUT TO - Theater of the Mind; Command - John's perched on top of Chiana, he sits up, pulling her with him.

JOHN: ...no talking... no running! Come on, baby, you're the Sultana of Survival. What's left?

Chiana pauses a moment, thoughtfully. She looks up at him smiling, he looks down, into her eyes, their faces inches away, a beauty two-shot.

CHIANA: Be smarter. They always make it more complicated than what they need to.

John looks away for a moment, considering the idea, then his gaze returns to hers.

CHIANA: Use it against 'em. Screw 'em at their own game.

She smiles at him, biting her lower lip briefly. John returns the smile with a great deal of admiration.

JOHN: That's good.

He lays a small affectionate kiss on the tip of her nose, and gits while she smiles gleefully.

CUT TO - Theater of the Mind; TOON INTERLUDE - Close on large white box on desert planetscape. The empty box is labeled "OZME" on one end, and "ONE (1) SHOVEL" on the other. Digging sounds over video.

Cut to larger wooden crate, the top busted open. Crate is labeled "OZME PROTO-NUCLEAR FROONIUM" on one side, and with a skull and crossbones and "EXPLOSIVE" on the other. Digging sounds continue.

Cut to Toon-D'Argo as he finishes digging a hole, tosses the shovel away and dashes to a huge stack of glowing green sticks. He scoops them all into his arms and dumps them in the hole, then covers it all with dirt. Close on D'Argo as he pounds the dirt down, then dashes out of shot.

Cut to long shot of large white "X" painted in the center of the road. All around the "X" are similar roughly covered holes, a couple of them have little glowing green sticks, sticking out of them. D'Argo dashes back into shot bearing a small square brown box. Panting, he places the box, labeled "OZME" on top of the white "X" and reverently opens it, exposing a tasting looking cartoon pizza. Next to the open box of steaming pizza, he places a green can labeled "BIER".

Running around the back of the 'bait' he plants a sign which is labeled [ jeez ] " FREE BEER & PIZZA" and smaller set of lettering below that line proclaims "ASTRONAUTS WELCOME". Although the "AU" has been "X"-ed out in red and a large "U" written over it, making the smaller lettering read: "ASTRONUTS WELCOME". D'Argo dashes out of sight.

Cut to long shot of Toon-D'Argo peering out from behind a rock, making pleased noises as he examines his overwraught trap.

Cut to long shot of road, John's module scooter zipping along in the distance approaching camera. He screeches to a halt in front of the trap [ well, at least it ain't birdseed ], hops down and nabs a piece of pizza and the bier.

Cut to close on D'Argo as he tries to restrain a bout of giggling as the Astronut falls for his trap. Lifting a length of fuse, he scratches a match against the rock wall and lights it. The fuse hisses and D'Argo drops it and sticks his fingers in his ears. Another match it scratched against the rock below him, and the end of his chin hairs are lit on fire. As his chin hairs hiss and burn toward his... chin, John stands, arms crossed, a smirk on his face... watching. D'Argo shoots him a surly look.

John helps him out by pointing at his burning chin hairs. D'Argo yelps in surprise, pointing toward where John outta be, John just scratches his head. D'Argo whips out his Qualta Blade, as the chin hairs burn out. There's a momentary reprieve as a smokey expanse appears on D'Argo's chin, he pants heavily, ready to skewer the Astronut, but his face explodes instead.

CUT TO - NEURAL CLUSTER - close on Jool as she jumps, startled by an unexpected noise, a chittering in the outlying darkness. Shot cuts back and forth as they speak, interspersed with shots of D'Argo and Chiana continuing the search for the lost Luxan artifact.

JOOL: ( voice quavering ) Pilot?

PILOT: Yes, Joolushko?

JOOL: Are there... other things... living in Moya... with us?

PILOT: A panoply of harmless parasites. Many serving symbiotic functions. Perhaps you're hearing the Hodian Trill-Bat swarms.

JOOL: Do these... Hodian Bat-things... leave droppings?

PILOT: Extensively. Their effluvium... spreads along Moya's inner hull, and helps seal microscopic cracks.

Cut to Chiana smirking and giggling.

CHIANA: Bat dren.

Cut to Pilot

PILOT: You're walking through it.

Close on Jool screaming. Shot pulls out to long as her scream builds to an ear piercing, metal melting, shriek.

Cut to close on Pilot, all four claws fly to his face and he shudders in pain.

Cut to close on Chiana, one hand trying to cover an ear as she keels over from the sound. [ okay, that's scarey, she could'a fallen off the bridge. ]

Cut to long shot of D'Argo, hand out, trying to fend off the noise, cringing as Jools shriek continues.

CUT TO - Theater of the Mind; TOON INTERLUDE CONTINUES - close on the end of a frelling big gun-- well cannon, a tiny site perched on the blue tip. Camera pans down the length of the weapon. D'Argo's in a small jump seat at the base of the gun. He snickers wickedly, then leans forward, siting for his target.

Cut to greenish targeting display. The words "SCANNING" appear at the bottom of the screen. The words fade as John appears briefly, but disappears just as briefly as the scan wanders radically, the words "SCANNING" reappearing. Realizing his error, the targeting site whips back right, over-correcting as it passes over John's smirking face once more. The site swings back left and finally the words "TARGET LOCKED" appear in red at the bottom of the screen as the site locks on John's smirk.

Cut to close on D'Argo pressing the firing button.

Cut to long shot as the cannon leaps backward under the force of fire. D'Argo hunkered at the rear on the jumpseat, and John hunkered forward, just below the targeting site.

Cut to greenish targeting display, searching though smoking, seeking out the target which is not in evidence.

Cut to close on D'Argo, smirking exhultantly, but abruptly a crestfallen look replacing it.

Cut to greenish targeting display, locked on John.

TOON-JOHN: Missed me, hah!

Cut to D'Argo, scowling in anger, he fires again.

Cut to long shot of cannon, hopping backward again under the force of fire, John hunkered low out of sight below the targeting site. A long drop just behind the rear of the gun.

Cut to greenish targeting display, again searching out the elusive target.

Cut to D'Argo, happily 'dusting off' his hands in triumph.

Cut to John, hunkered below the site, he sits up, back in 'range' of the targeting site. Giving D a wide grin.

Cut to D'Argo, now throughly enraged, steam shooting from his ears with locomotive sound effect. Reaching out he fires the gun again.

Cut to long shot of cannon, hopping backward under the force of fire and out over open air, little bits of dirt falling from the base of the cannon-- but it doesn't fall-- yet.

Cut to long shot of John, standing on the far end of the cannon, D'Argo's back in fg.

TOON-JOHN: Yo, D'Argo. ( waving, then gesturing downward ) Look down.

Oops, D'Argo does as suggested, and screams-- the gun falls-- John hops off the end to the safety of the cliffs edge.

Cut to close on D'Argo's crestfallen face, angle down as the cannon makes the long whistling decent. Shot shifts to long as the cannon falls, D'Argo becoming a tiny speck on one end.

Cut to close on D'Argo, making a swan dive off the end of the cannon as the heavier end swings downward [ Newton, where art thou? ]. He pulls a cord and with a 'whooshing' noise a red and white parachute opens and slows his decent. D'Argo grins intelligently at the camera.

Cut to long shot of D'Argo wafting slowly downward. The parachute is sucked into the mouth of the cannon and parachute, D'Argo and cannon slam to an uneasy landing. *Whump!*

The base of the cannon creaks open and D'Argo crawls out unsteadily, perching on the edge he's snagged by the parachute which is jammed inside the cannon. Pulling forcefully, D'Argo frees the cannon and also succeeds in firing it again. D'Argo and cannon hurl skyward again. D'Argo climbs up onto the edge of the cannon and pulling his parachute up, jumps off again as the cannon overbalances in the air, heading downward as D'Argo's parachute catches some wind and he wafts slowly downward... again.

The cannon hits the ground with a whump, and D'Argo wipes a bit of perspiration off his brow, a relieved look on his face as he fails to notice that his landing is marred by drifting down into the mouth of the cannon. The look of shock on his face is almost worth all of this as he disappears inside, the parachute drifting down to cover the mouth of the cannon and-- [ god, I'm tired-- I need dialogue!! ] the cannon, yep, fires again, vaporizing the red and white parachute.

A beaten, battered, busted, D'Argo clambers out of the cannon, a swarm of stars, making bird twittering noises, circles his head as he walks away sound, if not safe.

He glances around suspiciously as the twittering fades away and he hears the distant sound of a fuse burning.

Cut to long shot on D'Argo standing on the painted "X" in the middle of the road, hastily buried Froonium all around. D'Argo shrieks.

Cut to long shot, angle down, a humongous explosion leaving on a smear of black in the center of the distant road.

CUT TO - Theater of the Mind; TOON INTERLUDE CONTINUES - D'Argo paints yet another wormhole on a rock surface. Finishing with a final dab and flourish, just as John comes to a halt just behind him. Standing appraisingly before his work, D'Argo doesn't notice him. John 'toots his horn' and startled, D'Argo slams into the rock wall, vibrating forcefully before falling on his back.

Grabbing up the paint and brush, John paints a continuation of the planetscape over D'Argo's fake wormhole. Hopping back onto his scooter, he flies into the painting. D'Argo wakes in time to see this and hops, hopping mad, to his feet.

Pulling a u-turn, John rockets the scooter back toward D'Argo, but remains on 'his' side of the painting. With a yelp of rage, D'Argo charges him, slamming into the hard rock face of the painting.

TOON-JOHN: Don't you get it, D'Argo? Chiana was right. I can always outsmart you. You gotta admit it, my wormhole looks a lot better than yours.

D'Argo leaps to his feet, throughly enraged.

TOON-D'ARGO: You... did not... paint.. a wormhole!

TOON-JOHN: You... forgot to make yours swirly.

Extending a finger, a wormhole is created by his touch, and it is swirly. D'Argo yelps incoherently in anger as he's slowly pulled into the wormhole.

TOON-JOHN: Buh-bye.

D'Argo's left hand is the last bit to be sucked into the wormhole, at whose center, for no more than a second, a suspiciously familiar looking blue/white sphere appears. Cut to close on Toon-John.

TOON-JOHN: Well, this little spaceman's goin' home!

Cut to long shot as John's scooter backs a bit before rocketing toward the wormhole, which... he hasn't noticed is no longer swirling and is now painted on another rockface.

TOON-JOHN: Lock up the wimmen and hide the fried-chicken!

The scooter rockets forward, slamming into the rockface and explodes.

CUT TO - Theater of the Mind; Somewhere on Moya - John lies amidst burning debris, he rolls onto his side, groaning in pain. [ makeup guys have had a field day, his face looks like he's taken a beating, left eye swollen shut, bleeding cut on his lower lip, nose bleeding slightly and a huge bleeding gash over his left eye. ]

JOHN: ( groaning ) I think I broke my leg.

Cut to close on D'Argo, Qualta Blade drawn, moving though the smoke, backlit by fire.

D'ARGO: ( menacing ) Did you think you could make up all the rules?

Cut to long shot of John stretched out on the ground, trapped in place by the broken leg, burning debris all around as D'Argo steps in close.

D'ARGO: Keep hiding behind a cartoon forever?

D'Argo pulls his Qualta Blade back, preparing for the killing blow. Cut to close-up on John.

JOHN: ( screaming ) No!

Close on D'Argo, completing the coup de' grace with two slashes of his blade, John's scream abruptly 'cut off'.

FADE TO - - close on 3-D display. All fifteen display lines flat and red, a flat electronic hum o.v.

CUT TO - Cold Storage - long shot on John stretched out beneath the gold blanket in the small circular room, flat electronic hum continues as camera pans around L to R. Fade to Black.

END ACT III

---

ACT IV

Cold Storage - close-up on flat red lines of 3-D display, one or two blips of lighter shades of red run down one or two of the lines. The flat electronic hum continues o.v.

FADE TO - Theater of the Mind; somewhere on Moya - hearing Scorpius o.v. as camera pans close to smoke covered deck, to a heap of dirt on the floor. Shot pans up to a large headstone sitting slightly tilted at the head of the 'grave', a forlornly small bunch of white daisies at the base of the headstone. Scorpius stands to the left of the headstone, our POV, in heavy funeral drag, giving a questionable eulogy. [ FYI, headstone reads "R.I.P.", "Here Lies", "John Crichton", "Human", "Astronut", "Natural Born Loser".]

SCORPIUS: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to pay our final respects and to say farewell... to our dear friend, Commander John Crichton. A schmuck.

Sound of thunder drowns out the lovely sepulchral organ music briefly, followed by a flash of lightening.

SCORPIUS: Muleheaded, reckless, and... probably braindead before I met him. Alas... his death...

Scorpius crouches at the head of the grave, stovepipe hat in hand. Cut to long as he sighs and takes up a handfull of dirt and tosses it across to the grave. Close in right fg, a figure stands watching in familiar jeans and plaid shirt. Scorpy looks up and eyes the figure.

SCORPIUS: Even I dont' know if it's too late.

Cut to close on John, looking down on the grave, his expression remote and weary. They talk in subdued tones, sufficient to the solemn occassion.

SCORPIUS: [ O.V. ] We could already be gone.

JOHN: ( softly ) I love Aeryn. That should be enough.

SCORPIUS: ( sighing ) Soft emotion... won't get the job done!

Scorpy rises, walking to John's side.

JOHN: Revenge?

SCORPIUS: ( nodding ) Crichton to D'Argo. Man to Beast.

He throws his arm over John's shoulder, gripping it strongly, walking him a couple of steps toward his grave.

SCORPIUS: ( soft urgency ) Destroy the bastard, John! If only in your own mind.

Cut to close on the headstone as thunder rolls and lightening flashes. Cut back to close of John and Scorpius, Scorpy's hand on his near shoulder.

JOHN: Marty Goldstein... stole my bike when I was seven. I went over to his house, and I gave him a bloody nose.

SCORPIUS: Powerful emotion-- revenge.

John's eyes lift from the headstone, watching as Scorpius walks away.

JOHN: ( morosely ) Could'a just taken the bike back.

SCORPIUS: Yes. But, can you just take your life back?

JOHN: I don't... wanna be like other people. I don't wanna be like you. I don't wanna stoop that low. Kirk wouldn't stoop that low.

SCORPIUS: ( sighing ) That was a television show, John. And he made Priceline commercials. But, if you insist. Then look to Kirk the way he really was-- savage, when he had to be!

JOHN: He's a fiction, Harv. I know the difference. I'm real, I have to live with what I do.

SCORPIUS: You can no more ignore your biologic heritage... than change your grandparents birthplace.

Scorpius walks back toward John, standing at his side, speaking urgently into his ear.

SCORPIUS: These... primitive animal urges you think you must resist... they're not relics from an uncivilized time!

Insert shot of close on the headstone's epitaph, panning down the lines.

SCORPIUS: They are in you for a reason!

Cut to close on John, grim expression, eyes fixed on the headstone-- Scorpius, importunate at his ear, hand on his shoulder.

SCORPIUS: Because you need them.

Cut to close on the headstone's epitaph, the words "Natural Born Loser" lingering, then fading to long shot of John in the center of the 'cold-storage' chamber, lying still under the gold blanket the flat electronic hum and Scorpius's words o.v.

SCORPIUS: [ O.V. ] No cartoons, John. You can take him!

CUT TO - Theater of the Mind; Interlude Continues - Close on backlit black screen-- [ and here's where I finally noted that the SciFi emblem in the lower right corner is a 'drawing' throughout the episode, not just during the 'toon' bits ] -- D'Argo's head enters shot, close-up, rising from bottom accompanied by appropriate toon sound affect; although it's all live action from here.

D'Argo scowls, and stalks forward. Camera cuts to long shot from behind D'Argo's shoulder. He's stalking across the catwalk toward a closed door. At the end of the catwalk, in front of the closed door, John sits in a large leather chair, his back to D'Argo.

Cut to close on D'Argo's foot as he steps on the end of a rake. Said rake handle pops up and smacks him in the snout. Mildly annoyed, D'Argo tosses the rake over the side and continues to stalk up the ramp.

Cut to long shot on John, a bit closer now, he's smoking a 'huge' cigar and reading the 'Sports' page.

Cut to close on D'Argo, approaching resolutely, a loud clanging noise, and he looks down. Cut to close on D'Argo's foot lodged securely in a large metal pail. Giving up on getting his foot out, he clomps forward toward his 'unsuspecting' prey.

A clomping step or two and D'Argo executes another of those glorious pratfalls, slamming onto his back on the catwalk with a shout. Tripped up by a gianormous banana peel. Clambering to his feet he glares at the back of John's head and moves forward.

Dragging metal pail and banana peel with him, a step or two, a loud clanging sound and he howls in pain. Looking down we see close on a huge 'bear trap' snapped shut on the leg not trapped in the pail. Controlling the pain with Herculean effort, D'Argo clomps forward with both feet, finally reaching the back of the large leather chair. Grabbing it, he spins the chair around.

John lowers the copy of the "Jonesville Star" from his face, the supersize cigar perched jauntily in the fingers of his left hand. [ That story on the Fruitbats attacking Memphis probably wasn't interesting anyway ]. Pausing a beat, John gives D'Argo his best Bugs Bunny imitation.

JOHN: Eh... what's up, D'Argo?

D'ARGO: I'll tell you what's up... I'm gonna kill you!

JOHN: I don't think so.

With a cartoon noise ( a rising violin note ) a large lever with a grip release rises next to John's chair. John folds the paper in his lap and closes the grip release with his right hand, then pulls back on the lever. A trap door opens beneath D'Argo's feet, still trapped respectively in a bear trap and a large metal pail. Cut close on D'Argo looking down, looking up, dismay writ on his face, and he drops through the open trap with a loud yelp. John leans forward watching him go.

CUT TO - Neural Cluster ; various locations - Jool yelps, something's afrighted her again-- probably bats as their chittering continues. She flails around in the muck, screaming.

Cut to close on Chiana, still crawling around in search of the Qualta Blade. Jools distant screams o.v.

CHIANA: ( muttering ) Frell.

Cut to long shot of D'Argo, searching his catwalk.

D'ARGO: ( softly ) Chiana.

Cut to Chiana

CHIANA: Still nothing. Pilot?

Cut to Jool, angle down, jerking this way and that, sceaming, trying to avoid the bats which 'might' be 'dive bombin' her in the darkness.

Cut to close on Pilot

PILOT: I would suggest again that you head immediately to the escape hatchway. At least... save yourselves!

Cut to long shot, slight angle down, on Jool in the darkness and muck, semi-hysterical.

JOOL: Good idea, and about time!

She starts charging through the mid-thigh deep muck, trying to make good her escape, but stumbles and falls after a few steps. Whimpering she tries to pick herself up, but something under her fingertips must have drawn her interest, because her whimpering immediately stops, replaced by breathless, slightly excited panting.

Cut to D'Argo, moving quickly to the edge of the catwalk, the beam of his flashlight pointed over the side.

Cut to Jool, feeling around in the muck, no whimpers, but those little bleats of excitement are contagious.

Cut to Chiana, kneeling at the edge of the catwalk, flashlight beam aimed downward also, listening--

CHIANA: Princess?

Cut to close on D'Argo, holding the beam at an odd angle, providing light for Jool at the bottom of the cavern.

Cut to close on Jool, her fumbling ceases and she latches onto something. Abruptly her arms burst from the muck, splashing crap everywhere as she lifts the Qualta Blade above her head, a very restrained but triumphant laugh as it drips over her head.

JUMP CUT - INT. MOYA; Corridor - Chiana and D'Argo run in slight slo-mo down a darkened corridor, D'Argo in the lead, hilt of the qualta gripped in his hand. Taking a turn he tosses the weapon up and Chiana, racing behind him, catches it by the hilt. D'Argo's shoulder plows into a closed door and propels it open.

CUT TO - INT. Maintenance Bay - Chiana runs into the Maintenance Bay, passing D'Argo. She tosses the blade into the air and D'Argo catches it by the hilt, and they both continue running into the Transport Hanagar.

D'ARGO: ( shouting ) I have the Qualta Blade!

CUT TO - INT. Luxan Vessel - D'Argo charges into the forward section, shouting over the sound of the synthesized voice and a building electronic dissonance.

D'ARGO: ( shouting ) I have the Qualta Blade! ( speaking Luxan ) I have the Qualta Blade!

The electronic dissonance and synthesized voice continue. D'Argo, standing in the close quarters, bent over before the holo-display, unhappily frustrated... he pleads with the 'voice'.

D'ARGO: ( pleading quietly ) I have the Qualta Blade.

Chiana's head pops out, peering at the display from behind D'Argo's massive shoulders, first on one side, then the other, while the synthesized voice and electronic noise continues. D'Argo reverts to a frustrated shout, shaking a closed fist at the display.

D'ARGO: ( shouting ) I have the Qualta Blade!

The voice and noise continues, but a small access panel lights in red at the base of the Pilot's seat. Taking inspiration by the hand, D'Argo slides the blade's tip into the opening-- it slides all the way in, to the hilt. The synthesized voice and electronic dissonance ceases... all is silence except for D'Argo's panting. Slowly, he takes a seat in the Pilot's chair, Chiana still leaning over his shoulder.

CHIANA: ( softly, into the silence ) This is kinda like the sound you hear before you die.

D'ARGO: Or after.

CUT TO - Cold Storage - camera pans left to close on John, still reclined on the table, no visible signs of life, and that disturbing flat electronic whine also continues. Fade to white.

CUT TO - Theater of the Mind; Somewhere on Moya - In black, backlit frame, D'Argo rises menacingly, close on D'Argo's scowl as lights come up. Cut to long shot of D'Argo's feet kicking the rake over the side of the catwalk, advancing to the pail, kicking that over, then doing the same to the large banana peel and bear trap. Gripping the back of the large leather chair, cigar smoke wafting above it. D'Argo prepares to face his prey.

D'ARGO: Okay, you frellnik, it's your turn to die.

With one heave, he spins the chair around, and finds himself face to face with a painted face with a huge stick of "TNT" in it's mouth, the fuse already lit and hissing. No time to do more than widen his eyes in shock, the dynamite goes off. Shot goes to white under the sound of the explosion, fading in on smoke filled room and D'Argo's shocked expression, his tentacles throughly fried and sticking up vertically behind his head.

CUT TO - - Cut to close on the flat red lines on the 3'D display, they fluctuate mildly. Cut to close on John's closed eyes, his eyelids twitch slightly.

Theater of the Mind - Somewhere on Moya - long three shot, John leaps out of the smoke, standing on the walkway between the dummy in the chair and D'Argo's frozen kneeling form, tentacles still sticking straight up.

JOHN: On with the show, this is it! No cartoons, no crutches-- revenge! I'd like the thank the Academy--

He brings an imaginary award to his lips, making mock kissing noises. Scorpius trails in behind him as he moves to stand behind the leather chair.

JOHN: --for this beautiful Oscah!

SCORPIUS: Oh, shut up, John. It's not presentation night. You ought to be thanking me.

JOHN: For what?

Scorpy can't believe the ingratitude of some people!

SCORPIUS: ( indignantly ) For saving your life.

John glances upward, appraisingly.

JOHN: Sorry, Harv, no joy. ( beat ) I gave it a shot, you could'a been right.... You were wrong.

SCORPIUS: I... don't understand.

JOHN: Course you don't... understand. You live in the country, but you do not speak the language. Just... don't, don't touch anything in here, y-y-you're clueless.

SCORPIUS: No, John-- revenge!

JOHN: For you... it's a way of life. For me it's not the answer.

SCORPIUS: Then we're dead.

INSERT SHOT close up on John's epitaph, panning down the lines: "R.I.P", "Here lies", "John Crichton", "Human", "Astronut!", "Natural Born Loser", John's voice o.v.

JOHN: [ O.V. ] Don't ever distract me from what I really feel.

JOHN: Harv, I... love... Aeryn.

INSERT SHOT close on John, lying on the table, his body spasaming, features twisting in pain.

Fade in from white; close on Scorpius looking upward. His eyes close and he sighs quietly in disgust, but not very virulently, after all, he's also a benefactor here.

Cut to close on John, looking up appraisingly again.

INSERT SHOT close up on John's eyes as they snap open abruptly with a slight exhalation of breath. Shot fades to 3-D monitor display, alive again with colorful peaks and valleys.

Fade in to close on Scorpius, fade out to 3-D display, full of life. Fade in to close on John. Gaze drifting down, a slight smile on his lips, he turns and moves toward Scorpius, taking up position behind him, hands on his shoulders.

JOHN: I appreciate your help, though.

John taps Scorpy affectionately on the shoulder with a closed fist, and turns, walking away.

JOHN: That's all folks.

Scorpius turns quickly, trying to formulate some response, but can't come up with anything quickly enough. He scowls at D'Argo, still frozen and quivering, fried tentacles uplifted. Scorpy growls at him-- one his his tentacles snaps and drops off.

CUT TO - INT. Luxan Vesssel - in the silence, D'Argo sits in the pilots chair, Chiana at his shoulder. Abruptly the synthesized voice begins speaking again.

SYNTHESIZED VOICE: Identify yourself.

CHIANA: ( softly ) Hey.

D'ARGO: I... am Ka D'Argo, son of Laytun... grandson of Reksa... and I am the great-grandson of Ka D'Argo Treytal.

SYNTHESIZED VOICE: Power systems at your command, Ka D'Argo.

D'Argo watches in amazement as the ships systems flare to life as each is named by the synthesized voice.

SYNTHESIZED VOICE: Telemetry functions at your command. Deception Shroud at your command. Sonic Accelerator at your command. Particularization Field at your command. Weapons Cascade at your command. Communications Array at your command. Eyes-- clear.

The shield door that we saw open manually in SIW1, wavers and becomes transparent. Chiana climbs into D'Argo's lap, kissing his cheek, giggling happily. D'Argo laughs with her, both mainly in relief.

D'ARGO: ( laughing ) I did it. I did it.

JOHN: ( groggily ) Hey, guys?

D'Argo spins his chair around, facing the entry ramp. Amazed relief on his face [ Chi's just damn happy ]. John's standing at the foot of the ramp, golden blanket wrapped toga-like over his right shoulder and around his chest, one hand braced against the ships wall, holds him semi-steadily upright.

JOHN: ( querulously ) The lights are all out...

Chia grins, turning to look at D'Argo who's still watching his friend with gape mouthed surprise. John holds his left hand up to his ear, making the 'telephone' gesture [ index finger