FARSCAPE

HOME ON THE REMAINS

Written by,
Gabrielle Stanton & Harry Werksman, Jr.

This transcript kindly provided by: Neyephe

Thanks to $al-Man and that immense book of word knowledge for the lovely edits to the text of this transcript.

Starring:
Ben Browder Claudia Black Virginia Hey Anthony Simcoe Gigi Edgley	Commander John Crichton Officer Aeryn Sun Pa'u Zotoh Zhaan Ka D'Argo Chiana
Guest Starring:
John Brumpton Justine Saunders Rob Carleton Hunter Perske Gavin Robbins	B'Soog Altana Vija Temmon Keedva
Creative Team:
Writer: Gabrille Stanton & Harry Werksman, Jr.	Also wrote: "My Three Crichtons" (w/teleplay by Grant McAloon), and "The Ugly Truth".
Director: The Fabulous Rowan Woods!	Also directed: "Back and Back and Back to the Future", "Thank God It's Friday. Again.", "A Human Reaction", "Nerve", "Taking The Stone", "Won't Get Fooled Again", "A Clockwork Nebari", and "Die Me Dichotomy".
Co-Executive Producer: Co-Executive Producer: Producer:	Richard Manning Naren Shankar Sue Milliken

COLD OPEN

EXT. SPACE -- Moya sits huddled between two enormous teeth of the carcass of a gigantic space creature. The camera pulls back. CGI shot of the enormity of the beast, a BUDONG. The size of this once living creature staggers the imagination. JOHN and CHIANA are heard first in voice over only.

JOHN (Voice Over): …Fields of green grass.

CHIANA (Voice Over): Well, mold is... uh... is green.

JOHN (Voice Over): Crystal blue streams…

INT. MOYA CENTER CHAMBER -- John and Chiana continue their discussion. John stands behind the ‘counter’ and Chiana near the forward portal, looking out. Rygel hovers near John.

CHIANA: Ruptured bile ducts… actually.

JOHN: If I had anything at all in my stomach right now, I’d throw up.

Crichton’s distaste and sarcasm are palpable. Aeryn enters the center chamber, crossing quickly to the portal to stand next to Chiana and peer outside.

AERYN: Wow! I’ve never seen anything like it. Moya could fit in it’s mouth!

Rygel nods his head in the background

CHIANA: It’s the remains of a Budong. One of the largest creatures there is.

JOHN: For the last month you’ve been telling about this fantastic place where we’re gonna get fed! And this is it?

John gestures grandly at the budong with a utensil fetched from the shelf under the forward portal.

JOHN: A big… rotting… budong!

RYGEL: You mean that thing’s edible?

CHIANA: Well, Budong flesh is… well, it’s kind of poisonous. Its got these pustule things that are filled with acid mucus...

JOHN: Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah. W-We got it. We got that one… it ain’t edible (Sneezes!) Ahh…

AERYN: What’s the matter with you?

JOHN: I don’t know. (rubs his nose ruefully) Ahh... I don’t know. I hope its not a cold... ‘cause I’m sure not gonna get any chicken soup on a Budong!

CHIANA: Look, I don’t know what “Cheeken Zoop” is, okay? But there’s plenty of other food at the mining camp.

JOHN: What? People live on a budong?

John scoops three squirming dentics from a tray and begins frying them.

CHIANA: Inside. Yeah. Mining for Nogelti Crystals.

AERYN: How’d you find out about this place?

CHIANA: My brother Nerri and I stayed here for a while. We had a great time.

Aeryn gives Chiana a much too sweet smile, and makes her next inquiry... much too sweetly!

AERYN: Why’d you leave then?

CHIANA: ...The winds blew in a different direction.

AERYN: ... Really?

Aeryn radiates disbelieving sarcasm in every fiber of her being here! Rygel smirks at Aeryn’s comment

RYGEL: How much did you steal?

CHIANA: It was a long time ago.

JOHN: And they’re going to welcome the prodigal daughter home with a Thanksgiving meal.

Aeryn, an odd look on her face, leans down and sniffs Chiana’s ‘ruff’... Chiana turns abruptly, staring at Aeryn at this perceived insult

RYGEL: Look, we’ll work it out once we’re there. If they’ve got food, let's go.

AERYN: What is that appalling smell?

JOHN: Breakfast.

Rygel sniffs the air appreciatively

AERYN: Dentics. You can’t eat Dentics!

Aeryn circles around the centerpiece ‘counter’, approaching John, watching as he cooks the Dentics.

JOHN: Fried Dentics. You can eat anything if it’s fried.

John offers a fried Dentic to Aeryn, who jumps back as if stung, holding up one hand to ward it off.

AERYN: I’ll pass!

JOHN: Suit yourself Jenny Craig, but I’m hungry.

Crichton pops a fried Dentic in his mouth— gagging almost immediately. He spits the dentic into his hand and feeds it to an eager Rygel. Crichton turns back to Aeryn who points at Rygel to illustrate her next point.

AERYN: Obviously... not that hungry. I say we starburst out of here and try our luck somewhere else, Crichton.

JOHN: Aeryn. We are out of supplies. We’re gonna become the ‘Donner Party’ of the uncharted territories if we don’t get some food soon.

CHIANA: Nobody is gonna starve. The colony has food.

Zhaan enters unobserved; she is bent over a bit and is wearing a hood over her head.

ZHAAN: Chiana’s right. We must go to the mining camp.

CHIANA: Of course I’m right.

Aeryn walks over to Zhaan

AERYN: No Zhaan. You obviously didn’t hear. Chiana has enemies that she forgot to tell us about.

ZHAAN: I need food-- now.

JOHN: Zhaan, what’s going on? …Zhaan?

Close up on Zhaan as she looks up, her eyes are yellow and small ‘growths’ dot her face, Aeryn steps backward in shock.

ZHAAN: I must have food… or I’ll die.

END COLD OPEN

OPENING CREDITS ROLL

“My name is John Crichton, an astronaut... ...A radiation wave hit and I got shot through a wormhole... Now I'm lost in some distant part of the universe on a ship-- a living ship full of strange alien life-forms... Help me... Listen, please. Is there anybody out there who can hear me? ...I’m being hunted by an insane military commander... ...Doing everything I can... I'm just looking for a way home.”

ACT I – SCENE I

INT. MOYA – TRANSPORT HANGAR -- The crew gathers, preparing to go aboard the Budong

AERYN: Why Crichton, why? Why do I have to stay aboard Moya?

JOHN: Because, D’Argo and I are allergic to whatever is happening to Zhaan, and you aren’t.

D’Argo sneezes violently, tentacles flying

JOHN: You feeling all right? You up for this?

D’ARGO: I’m not sure what’s worse-- the hunger pains, or the frelling allergies!

RYGEL: What the dren are we waiting for?

Chiana enters wearing a snazzy new outfit

CHIANA: Me--

RYGEL: Yotz!

JOHN: Shazam--

D’ARGO: That’s nice.

CHIANA: You think this will catch Temmon’s eye?

D’ARGO: Who’s Temmon?

CHIANA: Just an old friend. He’ll look after me. We’ll get food, don’t worry.

JOHN: Well, we better or Zhaan dies. Come one. lets go.

AERYN: Oh, that’s just great. I get to stay on board with the blooming blue bush, and you get to play with your favorite little trelk.

JOHN: We’ll be back in a couple of arns, tops.

They exit, and D’ARGO sneezes again

ACT I – SCENE II

EXT SPACE – CAMERA ZOOMS INTO THE BUDONG -- John, Chiana, D’Argo and Rygel can be seen moving across the floor of a large cavern, which contains the major part of the mining operation on the Budong. Much machinery, and mining noise can be heard. The area is filled with machinery, crates, carts, tents and campfires.

JOHN: I hope the food tastes better than this place smells.

D’ARGO: What did you expect? It’s a corpse.

RYGEL: It’s a filthy Gelft sty!

CHIANA: Do you want food or not?

Rygel grumbles

D’ARGO: What about your friend?

CHIANA: Temmon.

D’ARGO: Why didn’t you tell us about him before?

RYGEL: Is he edible?

JOHN: Shut up-- Rygel.

John walks over to where Chiana has retreated.

JOHN: You did, didn’t you? You stole from this guy. How’s this gonna go down?

CHIANA: When I tell him Nerri’s dead, he’ll forget all... all about the money.

JOHN: You’re gonna use your dead brother… to play on his sympathies?

CHIANA: I have a plan!

John turns to D’Argo, voice laced with sarcasm

JOHN: D’Argo, its okay…Chiana has a plan.

Abruptly a siren blares and pandemonium breaks out, and people begin to rush about

CHIANA: An attack! D’Argo! Crichton! A Keedva!

Chiana runs with the rest. Arriving as a few people pull a cart into the main cavern with a body on it, Chiana sees who it is.

CHIANA: Temmon. Oh, frell.

RYGEL: This is who’s going to help us?

CHIANA: Temmon... Temmon... It’s me. Chiana.

TEMMON: Chi…Chiana… Don’t let me suffer like this… Get… B’Soog.

CHIANA turns around, pulls an ax from the belt of a nearby miner and slams the blade into Temmon’s chest... Rygel gasps.

JOHN: Holy…!

D’Argo grabs Chiana, pulling her away from the cart

D’ARGO: What the hezmana are you doing!?

Chiana, pulls violently away from D’Argo

CHIANA: Once that stuff touches you, you’re dead anyway!

JOHN: Chiana, what’s happening here?

VIJA: He smack... Ahhh! Right into a pustule! Keedva must have been after him.

JOHN: ‘Keedva’... What exactly is a ‘Keedva’?

VIJA: Vicious beast that feeds off the Budong, chews up anything that gets in the way.

B’SOOG: You did what needed to be done Chiana. As usual, these weaklings didn’t have the guts to put my brother out of this misery. Go home, all of you. I’m closing the mine ‘til I track that Keedva, and kill it.

VIJA: But with the mines closed, how are these poor folk gonna earn enough Nogelti for provisions?

B’SOOG: How are you gonna anything if you’re dead?

VIJA: Ahhh..

B’SOOG: Now get out of here.

VIJA: I’m gone.

B’Soog turns his attention to Chiana

B’SOOG: Never thought I’d see you again. You got some nerve.

CHIANA: Temmon used to say you, ah... you liked my nerve.

B’SOOG: That wasn’t all I liked. Too bad you left so suddenly. Why are you back?

CHIANA: Our ship’s out of food. We’re dying of starvation. I thought you could help us out.

D’ARGO growls at B’Soogs proximity to Chiana

B’SOOG: You want food? Hand over your weapons.

D’ARGO: No.

B’SOOG: Then stay hungry.

JOHN: Here you are marshal.

John steps forward, handing B’Soog his rolled up pistol holster, then steps back behind D’Argo who more reluctantly gives up his Qualta Blade.

B’SOOG: I’ll feed your friends, but not you Chiana. You used up my charity.

B’Soog stalks away

CHIANA: Go... get food for ZHAAN.

John reluctantly leaves and Rygel follows. Before D’Argo decides what to do, an older woman with long gray hair approaches Chiana from behind, startling her—- Chiana whirls about, then smiles

CHIANA: Altana! ALTANA: Alive and kickin’... Come on girl, I’ll give you a feed.

CHIANA and Altana leave while D’Argo watches

ACT I – SCENE III -- INT. BUDONG ENCAMPMENT – ALTANA’S CAMP

CHIANA: So what’s Desdi Girl been up to?

ALTANA: A Keedva got her just after you left. She lost both her arms and half her face.

CHIANA: (gulping in horror) True God.

ALTANA: Tara gave it up. She bugged out. She got some kids or something now.

CHIANA: True? What about Jav?

ALTANA: Scored big and... left, just like I’m about to.

CHIANA: Hey girl, you’ve been here too long. You’ve been waiting your whole life on that big score. No good.

ALTANA: No more girl. I’m leaving, because I did hit it big... You better shut it before something you won’t like flies in.

CHIANA: Hey, you really found something?

ALTANA: Vein of Nogelti... near the second liver, just past the ribs. Set me up for ten lifetimes.

CHIANA: Oh, I’m so happy for you.

ALTANA: Be happy for yourself, girl. I want you to have a share.

CHIANA: You do? Well, then I... I can get food for Zhaan... for all of us.

ALTANA: Just one problem, B’Soog—- that fella, he closed the mines. Bastard’s probably down there right now. Jumpin’ my claim!

CHIANA: Altana, do you think that B’Soog, you think B’Soog killed Temmon?

ALTANA: No more girl, they were brothers.

ACT I – SCENE IV -- INT. MOYA – ZHAAN’S CHAMBER -- Aeryn stands examining a collection of containers, while Zhaan reclines on a fur-covered bed. Zhaan doesn’t look good.

AERYN: Well, surely we can do something. If not cure it, stablize it.

ZHAAN: I-I can... mix a salve, which... which might slow down the growth of the buds.

AERYN: Great, you stay there and tell me how to mix it. Zhaan, can you tell me?

ZHAAN: Bet-ur and Ly-gel...

AERYN: Right. Which one are they?

ZHAAN: The two marked vials.

AERYN: Is it supposed to do that? Zhaan... Zhaan, can you hear me? (Zhaan is unresponsive) Oh, frelling great.

PILOT: Officer Sun.

AERYN: Yes, what is it, Pilot?

PILOT: The micro pollen Zhaan’s producing are beginning to affect Moya. She’s experiencing a slight numbing sensation along her inner hull.

AERYN: All right. Put the atmospheric scrubbers to maximum capacity.

PILOT: Already done.

AERYN: Well, I don’t know what else to suggest then.

ACT I – SCENE V -- INT. BUDONG CAVERN – B’SOOG’S CAMP. -- Rygel, D’Argo and John sit around a makeshift table outside B’Soog’s ‘tent’. B’SOOG is eating inside his tent.

RYGEL: This is your grand gesture of generosity? Fungus! Mold! Lichens! Yechh! What’s that you’re eating?

B’SOOG: Meat.

RYGEL: Why didn’t I get any meat?

B’SOOG: You want meat... You have to pay for it. So, if what I have given you, isn’t to your liking...

RYGEL: (turns back to his meal, instantly contrite) No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

JOHN: You can ignore the little green eating machine. We appreciate what you’ve done for us.

D’ARGO: We need more food. We need enough to last us until we get to the next system.

B’SOOG: You want more, you have to earn it, like everybody else. Once I reopen the mines...

JOHN: What do you say we trade? We’ve got medical supplies, weapons...

B’SOOG: This is not a commerce planet. If you want meat, Nogelti Crystals buys food, work gets crystals.

D’ARGO: Then we’ll work!

RYGEL: Dominars do not work! Especially not in some rotting corpse filled with creatures!

Rygel’s attention is drawn by a group of ‘men’ sitting around another table across the cavern from B’Soogs camp.

RYGEL: What are those men doing?

B’SOOG: Deemo. Do you play?

RYGEL: I’m about to.

JOHN: We’re here for Zhaan, Maverick, not games.

RYGEL: I’m here for food. This is how I’ll get it!

B’SOOG: I’ll introduce you.

RYGEL: Most kind.

Rygel chuckles as he departs, following B’Soog

D’ARGO: Maybe we should have fried this.

JOHN: Well, it ain’t Lobster, but it’ll keep Zhaan alive. Keep an eye on the chill’n ‘til I get back.

John picks up an aluminum cylinder and leaves D’Argo sitting at the table.

ACT I -- VI

John and Aeryn walk a passage in Moya, John carrying the canister he took with him to the Budong, Aeryn eats some of what he brought back with him.

AERYN: Definitely takes the edge off.

John is struggling with the whole ‘breathing’ thing as they reach the door to Zhaan’s quarters

JOHN: Man, could it get any worse in here? I can barely breathe!

Keying the door, John and Aeryn enter Zhaan’s quarters. She is reclined on the bed, looking a great deal worse for the wear.

JOHN: Hey Blue! Delivery. It’s not exactly Dominos, but it got here in less than 30 minutes.

John kneels by the bed and extracting an unappetizing ‘veggie puff’, he holds it close to her mouth, trying to get her to eat it. She seems too weak at first.

ZHAAN: John...

JOHN: Okay. Here ya go.

John blinks watery eyes and moves the tidbit closer to her mouth, urging her to eat it.

JOHN: Come on...

ZHAAN: Can’t... gone too far... need meat.

JOHN: No. No, no... You- you don’t want meat. Meat’s bad for you. It’s got cholesterol, hormones...

John’s words are cut off in an involuntary bark of pain as Zhaan grabs his hand, bending his arm backward and applying what looks to be, not too terribly much pressure to the palm of his hand.

From John’s expression, the resulting pain has his full attention on Zhaan-- he watches her out of the corner of his eye, moaning quietly in pain, his hand trembling under the force she exerts.

ZHAAN: Animal proteins stop the budding cycle... Buds evolved for protection... famine immobilizes us... Predator attacks... Buds poison animal... When animal dies, we eat animal to recover.

JOHN: (voice hoarse and pain filled) ... I’ll get you some meat...

ZHAAN: Now!

Zhaan’s eyes shift from blue to a pale glowing red.

END ACT I

ACT II -- INT. BUDONG -- In the large cavern inside the Budong’s corpse, Rygel and Vija are playing Deemo.

RYGEL: You cheated!

VIJA: Yeah. It’s part of the game. You’re just a lousy cheater.

RYGEL: I’ll have you know that I’m an excellent cheater! I’m just not at my best right now. This outrageous hunger is affecting me.

VIJA: Let’s see some of these Negeltic crystals you claim to have.

RYGEL: We’ll settle up when we’re done!

VIJA: You know what I think? Think you don’t have any crystals. Never did.

RYGEL: Don’t be ridiculous.

VIJA: You lie about having anything of any value to bet with.

RYGEL: I demand another game, or I’ll tear your frelling eyes out!

VIJA: You little green ass, stinking, horny little bastard, I’m gonna kill you!

RYGEL: That won’t get you your crystals.

VIJA: You get me my crystals one way or another!

INTERCUT

Chiana is lying on a couch inside B’Soog’s tent when he enters.

B’SOOG: Yeah, you look good on that couch, you always did.

CHIANA: I missed you.

B’SOOG: You chose Temmon over me.

CHIANA: Well maybe I made the wrong choice. Temmon’s gone now anyway.

B’SOOG: You don’t seem too broken up about it.

CHIANA: Oh, well, neither do you.

B’SOOG: Well, we all grieve in our own way. Temmon was a brother, a partner. I will miss him.

CHIANA: Yeah, me too. But we gotta move on, The miners need to...

D’Argo enters the tent before the conversation can ‘evolve’ any further, interrupting Chiana at work.

D’ARGO: B’Soog!

B’SOOG: Go away.

D’ARGO: One of our shipmates is dying. She must have meat.

B’SOOG: You have nothing to trade for it.

D’ARGO: We’ll get you whatever you want, but I want that meat now!

Chiana continues to use her ‘persuasive technique’ on B’Soog, but D’Argo is too much of a distraction for him.

CHIANA: There must be something you want. Hey...

B’SOOG: Is that what this is about? Free hand outs? I’ve told you, you want meat, you have to pay for it.

D’ARGO: (growls)

B’Soog continues to eye Chiana in a way that makes D’Argo ‘very’ unhappy.

B’SOOG: Maybe you do have something to trade.

D’ARGO: No!

B’SOOG: Does he make all of you decisions for you? That’s not the Chiana I knew.

CHIANA: No, I make my own decisions.

B’SOOG: Run away Luxan!

D’Argo roars with fury and charges B’Soog, pinning him to the couch by the neck.

D’ARGO: Now give me what I need!

B’SOOG: You’ve got mivolks, Luxan, but I hide the meat in the mine, and no one knows the mines like I do. Kill me, and you’ll never find it, and your shipmate dies anyway.

CHIANA: D’Argo, if he wants a night with me, I’ll give it to him.

B’SOOG: One night? Uh, uh. I play for keeps. A life for a life. I give you meat, you’re mine...till I’m done with you.

INTERCUT

Chiana follows D’Argo as he stalks across the open cavern, having left B’Soog behind at his tent. They are both very angry, a full-on Chiana/D’Argo bout is brewing!

CHIANA: What were you thinking, attacking B’Soog like that? What, did you think he’d just hand over the meat?

D’ARGO: It seemed like a better plan than waiting for you to frell him into submission!

CHIANA: Well, if that what it takes, then that’s what it takes! I thought this was supposed to be about saving Zhaan?

D’ARGO: There are other ways to get the crystals that we need. I will not allow you to stay here with him!

CHIANA: Don’t tell me what to do!

D’ARGO: Well somebody has to!

Finished with the conversation, and still mightily angry, Chiana begins to stalk away

D’ARGO: Chiana!

CHIANA: D’Argo, I had a brother, he’s gone. I don’t need another.

D’ARGO: I don’t want to be your brother.

CHIANA: Then what?

D’Argo and Chiana eye each other silently, D’Argo apparently doesn’t have an answer for her question, or is just not ready to give it. Chiana turns to walk away again, but turns back.

CHIANA: Do you want to help? My friend Altana, she’s found this really big vein of crystals. She’s willing to share the wealth.

D’ARGO: Is it enough to help save Zhaan?

CHIANA: More than enough. (slight pause) Except they closed the mine because of the Keedva.

D’ARGO: What about if I went down with her?

ACT II – SCENE II

On board Moya, Aeryn is in Zhaan’s quarters, she is making some adjustments on a bank of lights that flank Zhaan’s bed. Zhaan is lying on the bed, still very much ‘out of it’

PILOT: Calibration is complete. Did Zhaan tell you what intensity to use?

AERYN: Zhaan’s out of it, Pilot. I’m doing this on my own.

PILOT: They how do you know it will help?

AERYN: I don’t, but she’s a plant, and she loves light.

Aeryn finishes making adjustments to the lights

AERYN: Okay

Aeryn ‘flips the switch’ and the room is filled with INTENSE white light, small white ‘spores’ begin pouring out of the burst buds on Zhaan’s head, the room is soon filled with the spores as they float in the air. Aeryn clicks the light off. Zhaan sits upright on the couch.

AERYN: What are you reading, Pilot?

PILOT: Zhaan now seems to be exuding spores as a reaction to the intense light.

AERYN: Can you do anything about it?

PILOT: I’ve minimized Moya’s ambient illumination as a precaution, but the spore levels are still increasing. You’ve only made things worse.

AERYN: I had to do something, and you didn’t give me any suggestions.

ZHAAN: Why did you do that?

AERYN: What? I was only trying to help.

ZHAAN: Lies! You tried to kill me!

AERYN: Don’t be stupid!

ZHAAN: Brutish Peacekeeper!

Aeryn stifles a sneeze!

ZHAAN: Can’t wait to see me die! Are you enjoying this?

Aeryn bats at spores floating in the air in front of her face, her voice is choked and her eyes water a bit, she is NOT enjoying this!

AERYN: Not in the least! (sneezes!)

ACT II – SCENE III

John enters the main cavern in the Budong, we see him as he rounds a tent-like structure, he’s shed his PK Coat and paces toward us, muttering to himself.

JOHN: It should be easy... It’s never easy!

John stops at a large crate and slaps one hand on the top of it for emphasis to whatever he’s thinking.

JOHN: Budong.

He’s looking around as he stands by the crate mentally reviewing Budong’s, meat and dying Delvians, just over his shoulder in the background, Chiana is standing outside B’Soog’s tent, discussing a potential deal, hearing her voice John turns and watches.

CHIANA: I’ll stay half a cycle, no more.

B’SOOG: I have given you my terms, take them or leave them. that was the deal, Chiana.

CHIANA: Can’t we negotiate?

B’SOOG: No.

B’Soog turns away and goes inside his tent, Chiana turns and stalks off, swearing under her breath.

CHIANA: (Muttering to herself) Frell!

JOHN: Where’s D’Argo? Did he get some meat?

CHIANA: Yeah, he’s working on it, in the mines.

JOHN: What?! In the-- Is he nuts?! You remember the creature, don’t you? How long has he been gone?

CHIANA: I don’t know. Like… three arns or so. He’s with Altana.

JOHN: (muttering to self again) It should be easy... It’s never easy!

JOHN: (To Chiana) I’m gonna go get him.

John stalks off, leaving Chiana with her mouth hanging open a bit.

ACT III – SCENE IV

On board Moya, Pilot and Aeryn are discussing a potential difficulty. Aeryn is showing greater signs of a “full-on” allergy attack. Eyes reddened, voice choked, and she needs a hankie!

PILOT: Zhaan’s spores are spreading faster than the scrubbers can remove it. It’s penetrating Moya’s neural conduits and dulling her senses.

AERYN: (coughs) How badly?

PILOT: Already enough to impede navigation...

AERYN: Can you compensate?

PILOT: I’m having difficulty. My own connection to Moya is still much less than optimal.

AERYN: How much damage can these spores do?

PILOT: If the levels continue to increase, Moya could be permanently blinded.

AERYN: It’s all right. I won’t let that happen Pilot. What if Zhaan were to leave Moya entirely? If she and I were to leave in a transport pod, then you could open the rest of Moya to space and flush the pollen out.

PILOT: Uh, that could help Moya, but what about you? The spores have begun to affect you as well.

AERYN: No! I’ll be fine. We just need to buy some time till Crichton can return with some meat. You prime a transport pod, all right?

PILOT: Very well.

Aeryn runs back to Zhaan’s quarters, ready to implement her plan, but when she gets there… no Zhaan!

AERYN: Zhaan’s gone Pilot.

END ACT II

ACT III – SCENE I

INT. BUDONG – John creeps around in semi-darkness of the 'passages' with a flashlight-- searching for D’Argo.

JOHN: D’Argo?

Hears sounds of grunting and rhymthmic tapping. The grunting has a familiar ring to it.

JOHN: Slug Monkey.

John turns and follows the sound, coming upon Rygel chipping away the Budong carcass with a tiny little pick inside a small cavern.

JOHN: Rygel, what the hell are you doing down here?

RYGEL: (tapping away, slowly exposing a largish green Negeltic Crystal) Get lost Crichton. This one’s mine.

JOHN: You seen D’Argo?

RYGEL: Forget D’Argo. That filthy character Vija threw me down here just because I lost at Deemo. He cheated!

JOHN: What? And you didn’t?

RYGEL: Of course I cheated.

JOHN: (Grinning) You cheated and you lost.

Rygel doesn’t deign to answer, just keeps tapping away.

JOHN: Look… D’Argo and Chiana have a line on some crystals, so let’s go.

RYGEL: Crichton, I’ve got a crystal right here. Our luck is changing.

JOHN: Rygel (Grabs an earbrow).

RYGEL: Ow!

JOHN: I’ve got your ear, right? … Okay, Zhaan is almost out of time, so get your crystal and let’s GO!

RYGEL: Ow! (drops his lil pick!)

John leaves, returning to his search for D’Argo. Reentering the passage, he hears a high pitched whistling—stopping he scans warily with the flashlight. The beam arcs back and forth in the gloom. Finally settling on discretion, he turns to go back the way he came, but hears a loud growling. Freezing, he turns again, backing slightly, but can’t determine where the growling is coming from. Clicking the flashlight off, he crouches in the quiet darkness and his knees pop like gunshots! He winces and hisses at the unwelcome noise.

JOHN: (whispering) Rygel?

No answer from Rygel, but he’s treated to more growling, closer this time.

JOHN: (whispering) Rygel?

Shuffling noises now in the darkness, John cranes his neck searching for the source, but he’s looking in the wrong direction! The shadowy form of the Keedva can be seen just behind him!

JOHN: (whispering) Rygel?!

Finally aware of the danger, John turns his head in the ‘correct’ direction and spies the form of the beast lurking just down the passage. He’s frozen until the Keedva roars and charges… then he BOLTS! Back down the passage toward the cavern where he left Rygel moments ago. Charging into the cavern just a hairsbreadth ahead of the Keedva, John is treated to the sight of Rygel lifting his throne sled out of reach toward the ceiling of the cavern… John makes a desperate leap!

JOHN: Sparky!

RYGEL: Sorry Crichton.

John’s leap carries him just far enough and he clings to the front of Rygel’s throne sled, as it rises just out of reach of the Keedva, which leaps, roars and claws just below.

JOHN: You’re not ditchin’ me!

RYGEL: Get off, let go!

JOHN: No way!

RYGEL: There’s no reason for both of us to die! I am a Dominar—you are—just you!

JOHN: Shut your yap, and give it more gas!

RYGEL: There is no more ‘gas’. Let go, or we’ll both die!

JOHN: Screw you!

Unbelievably, the tiny throne sled starts to descend, lowering by inches toward the ravening beast below!

RYGEL: We’re going down!

JOHN: Rygel!

RYGEL: Let go—or we’ll both die!

JOHN: For the last time, No!

RYGEL: Let go, or I’ll bite your fingers off!

JOHN: Oh, Yeah! Screw you.

Rygel clamps down on the fingers John unwisely flung in his face, Crichton yells loudly, just as the high pitched whistling is heard.

JOHN: Rygel!

High pitched whistling is heard again and the beast lopes away, leaving it’s prey alive, but not unharmed, apparently. John’s fingers are still clamped firmly between Rygel’s teeth, John wheezes in pain.

JOHN: Rygel... Rygel...

John clamps down with his own teeth on Rygel’s earbrow, and in a muffled voice… makes his request!

JOHN: Rygel. Let go. Let me go!

Both let go, almost simultaneously.

RYGEL: Lucky for you!

John scowls and head-butts Rygel… hard!

RYGEL: Ow! What was that for?

JOHN: (panting and wheezing) I ain’t your lunch!

RYGEL: The dentics tasted better.

Both spit!

JOHN: You tasted worse (spits). Ahhhh. Okay… here’s the plan. You’re gonna go back to the transport pod and stay there!

RYGEL: What about Vija?

JOHN: What about Keedva?

RYGEL: Oh… good plan.

Both nod.

JOHN: Now put our asses down!

ACT III – SCENE II

Closeup on Zhaan, he eyes glow reddish and spores continue to pour out of the buds on her face and head, and out of her mouth.

INTERCUT

AERYN: Zhaan? Zhaan! Why won’t you answer me? Pilot, why can’t you locate her?

PILOT: The spores have clouded Moya’s senses so much, I can’t even track where you are.

AERYN: I’m on Tier Seven, and there’s no sign of Zhaan.

PILOT: Officer Sun. Moya is worsening. If we don’t find Zhaan soon, we may have to flush the atmosphere anyway.

AERYN: Understood.

ACT III – SCENE III

INT. BUDONG CARCASS… somewhere past the second liver would be a good guess.

ALTANA: Some water?

D’ARGO: Thanks.

ALTANA: Couldn’t have done this without you.

D’ARGO: Both our purposes are served. We save Zhaan, and you get out of here.

ALTANA: I’m not gonna miss the stench, but I’ll miss the thrill of it.

Unseen in the darkness of a nearby passage, the Keedva lurks.

D’ARGO: Thrill?

ALTANA: Always living constantly on your guard—alive and fightin’!

D’ARGO: You sound like Chiana.

ALTANA: Ah, that girl. She’s a wild one! But she’s got a heart of gold.

D’ARGO: Her loyalties are certainly flexible, that’s for sure.

ALTANA: She’ll do whatever it takes, to get meat for your friend.

D’ARGO: That’s what worries me.

ALTANA: Nah, we always came out on time, the two of us. We had our fun. Even when she and Temmon were together. Ah, that fella. He was good for her and her brother.

D’ARGO: And yet, she repays his kindness by stealing from him. That’s why it’s very difficult to trust her.

ALTANA: D’Argo… are you and Chiana together?

D’ARGO: No.

ALTANA: No? Or not yet?

D’ARGO: That’s up to her.

ACT III – SCENE V

INT MOYA – COMMAND

PILOT: Aeryn, any further deterioration, and Moya will lose all ability to navigate.

AERYN: (coughing) Then we can’t wait any longer.

PILOT: But unless Zhaan’s secured herself inside a transport pod, decompression will kill her.

AERYN: Is there no other way to save Moya?

PILOT: No.

AERYN: Then seal off Command and do it.

PILOT: Decompression in five microts.

AERYN: Oh, Zhaan. Forgive us.

PILOT: Officer Sun, spore levels have dropped.

AERYN: Thank you, Pilot.

PILOT: Beginning repressurization now. It’ll take over an arn.

ACT III – SCENE VI

INT BUDONG – ALTANA’S MINE A high pitched whistling cut’s through the darkness, and the Keedva attacks!

ALTANA: D’Argo!

The Keedva, attacking D’Argo first, knocks him unconscious against the wall, then goes after Altana.

END ACT III

ACT IV – SCENE I

John walks into the cavern, looking a bit worse for wear. Chiana spots him immediately.

CHIANA: Crichton!

JOHN: Did D’Argo make it back?

CHIANA: Well, didn’t you find them?

JOHN: I found Rygel, and one very big ugly critter.

CHIANA: They should be back by now with the crystals.

JOHN: It’s been one hell of a day. If we don’t get some meat before the end of it, I’m gonna cut my own damn arm off and feed it to Zhaan.

Alarm blares! Chiana runs toward the mine opening, followed by Crichton.

CHIANA: Creature alarm. Altana.

Arriving at the mine opening, B’Soog is the first to exit.

JOHN: What happened?

B’SOOG: The mines were closed. But some of you decided to ignore that.

CHIANA: Where’s D’Argo and Altana?

B’SOOG: I found your friends. But got there too late.

JOHN: What the hell do you mean, “too late”?

B’SOOG: I heard the Keedva, and drove it off.

D’ARGO: John… John…

D’Argo staggers out of the opening, coughing and choking on his blood, pulling a cart behind him. John and Chiana slip one of his arms over their shoulders and help him out of the mine and onto the ground.

JOHN: D’Argo! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy.

D’ARGO: I-I tried to get it… but I couldn’t… I couldn’t protect her.

Chiana leaves D’Argo and goes to the cart, D’Argo has retrieved her body from the mine.

CHIANA: Altana… Altana?

JOHN: D’Argo, what happened?

D’ARGO: The creature attacked. I tried to stop it, but…

JOHN: How bad you hurt?

D’ARGO: Nothing broken. Bloods running clear… I’ll survive.

B’SOOG: Your friend’s lucky to be alive.

CHIANA: How could this happen? First Temmon… now Altana?

JOHN: You know what, Boudreau? For someone that’s supposed to be such a great critter hunter, you ain’t doin’ that good of a job.

B’SOOG: I closed the mines for a reason. Now, stay out, and let me do what I have to do!

B’Soog stalks off.

JOHN: All right, Pip… What’s the plan now?

CHIANA: He killed Altana. Now he’s going to steal her crystals. I’m not going to let him.

JOHN: You stay here with D’Argo. Boudreau is mine.

John grabs a flashlight from the supply tent and follows B’Soog.

ACT IV – SCENE II

INT. MOYA – COMMAND

AERYN: How much longer, Pilot?

PILOT: Repressurization will be complete in 900 microts.

Zhaan ‘floats’ down from the ceiling in command, behind Aeryn. Slowly approaching, she strikes her.

AERYN: Zhaan… you don’t understand.

ZHAAN: You tried to kill me… suffocate me… poison salve… burn me with light.

AERYN: Look, I’ve only been trying to help you.

ZHAAN: No. Always hated me. Came to Delvia. Imprisoned me.

AERYN: Zhaan, they were Peacekeepers. I’m no longer a Peacekeeper.

ZHAAN: Always a Peacekeeper. Barbaric savage (Zhaan strikes Aeryn again, knocking her to the floor). Afraid to come near me. Afraid of contamination.

AERYN: That’s not true.

ZHAAN: Plotting with Pilot against me. Plotting my death.

AERYN: Nobody wants you dead. We did whatever we could to help you, but we ran out of options. Your spores… are harming Moya.

ZHAAN: Would never harm Moya.

AERYN: Zhaan (standing)… Look at me, I can barely talk, I can barely breath properly. Your spores are doing that, and it’s far worse for Moya.

ZHAAN: Moya… No… lies to confuse me.

AERYN: No, I’m trying to get through to you. Zhaan, for the sake of your Goddess, think!

ZHAAN: Think… can’t think… hazy.

AERYN: Hello? (snapping fingers) Cut through the haze, Zhaan. Think! You’re a Tenth Level Pa’u, you trained your mind to control your thoughts. Do it now!

ZHAAN: I… can’t… help me.

AERYN: All right. I will

And she ‘head-butts’ Zhaan… she is a LOT better at it than John! Zhaan goes down like a felled tree!

AERYN: (sniffs) Pilot?

PILOT: Yes?

AERYN: Get the transport pod primed.

ACT IV – SCENE III

INT. BUDONG CORPSE – John tracks B’Soog, who seems aware that he’s being followed. B’Soog stops and sniffs the air, as if scenting something, then moves on down the passage. Shortly, John follows, flashlight in hand. Hearing the sound of a door opening, he clicks it off and continues following. B’Soog enters a small room and takes a hunk of ‘meat’ off the wall and walks away. John sees this, and after B’Soog leaves, he enters the small ‘meat locker’ and takes down another hunk of ‘meat’. Behind him, B’Soog has returned. He makes a small sound to gather John’s attention. Kinda works.

JOHN: (turning) Nice stash you got here.

B’SOOG: And you came down to steal some of it. No, fella, you have to earn it.

JOHN: Like Altana was doing before the critter got her.

Their conversation is interrupted by the sound of distant roaring.

JOHN: Speak of the devil. What do you say we take this conversation some place else?

B’SOOG: No.

B’Soog places a small whistle to his lips and blows, hard. The whistle emits a familiar high-pitched tone.

JOHN: Well, I’ve heard that somewhere before.

The Keedva prowls in, growling. Stopping at B’Soog’s knee.

B’SOOG: Not yet.

JOHN: And I’ve see this guy somewhere before. Friend of yours?

B’SOOG: It’s a primitive animal. But intelligent in it’s own way. Over the years we have developed a mutually beneficial relationship.

JOHN: (nervously eyeing the Keedva) Well, I’m really not interested in your personal life.

The Keedva edges closer – growling

JOHN: Now, I should warn you. I don’t taste too good.

B’SOOG: He won’t eat you. He prefers what I give him. That’s how I trained him – to have his way.

KEEDVA: (growls)

CHIANA: (distant) Crichton! … Crichton!

B’SOOG: I’ll let you two get to know each other.

B’Soog departs, leaving John and the Keedva to get ‘acquainted’

JOHN: Easy, fella. Just, ah… You’re just a big ‘ol dog, right? Yeah. Look what I got (swings the hunk of meat in front of the Keedva) This is for you. Oh yeah! This is good, huh? You want this! Hey, Yah! (tossing the hunk of meat away from the exit to the cavern) There ya go, have a look! (The Keedva turns the wrong way, big stupid beast!) No, no! That way, that way. (Keedva turns in the desired direction) There ya go! Good boy! Good boy!

As the Keedva turns toward where the meat landed, John creeps up slowly trying to slip away, but the Keedva turns and slams John up against the wall, he lands on his back with a grunt looking up at an enraged Keedva.

JOHN: Okay, no more Captain Kirk chit-chat.

John plants one booted foot firmly between the legs of the Keedva as it stands over him, he’s rewarded with a long painful roar from the beast and he takes the opportunity to bolt, but Keedva recovers and bashes him across the room again. Pinned down, with only one way out, John and the Keedva play Red Rover, and John goes over… Flips over that is, and dashes into the meat locker, engaging the door before the Keedva can reach him.

Inside the relative safety of the locker, but with no way out, John slides the door open. The Keedva reaches through immediately, John flips the door control and the door slides closed quickly, trapping one massive claw between the door jam and two massive spikes the door is oddly trimmed with.

Grabbing the flashlight from where he left it, John props it on his shoulder.

JOHN: Okay… one… two… three…

John flips the door control lever again, and the door slides open. The Keedva withdraws it’s claw and back away, roaring!

JOHN: Come on… (coaxing the Keedva to attack)

The Keedva charges toward John, who flips the flashlight on, the beam aimed straight into the cavern dwellers face. Flipping the lever down at the last possible moment, the door slides closed, impaling the Keedva with the spikes through it’s chest. The Keedva groans and exhales a last breath before dying. John clicks the light off.

INTERCUT

INT. BUDONG PASSAGE – B’Soog walks down the passage.

CHIANA: B’Sogg? Turn around!

B’Soog turns at the sound of her voice and see’s Chiana standing a short distance away, aiming a pulse pistol at him.

CHIANA: Drop it!

B’Soog drops his own weapon.

CHIANA: Kick it away!

B’Soog complies and kicks his weapon away.

CHIANA: Where’s Crichton?

B’SOOG: I have no idea.

CHIANA: Don’t frell with me!

B’SOOG: Believe me!

CHIANA: Oh, believe you. Well, that’s a joke. Get ‘em up!

Chiana motions upward with the point of the pistol and B’Soog slowly complies, raising his hands. It’s the wild wild west!

B’SOOG: Chiana… You’re a thief and a tralk… but you're not a killer.

CHIANA: I’m… evolving, as a – as an individual.

B’SOOG: I know you. You won’t shoot me in cold blood. You can’t do it.

CHIANA: You’re right, I can’t.

Chiana screams, and taking a wider stance she aims down the passage one handed and fires the pistol! One shot goes wild, but the second strikes an acid pustule just above B’Soog’s shoulder. The acid gushes out all over B’Soogs upraised hand. B’Soog screams … and screams! As the acid eats the flesh off his hand like water rinsing off soap suds!

B’SOOG: You bitch! What did you do?!

Chiana turns, and with a wan, sad smile, walks away.

B’SOOG: Don’t leave me here to suffer!

END ACT IV

EPILOGUE

INT. MOYA CENTER CHAMBER John sits at the table in the background, sucking something delectable from the fingers of his right hand. Aeryn is in the foreground, standing and carving what looks like the carcass of the Keedva. Zhaan sits at the table beside her, enjoying a repast.

ZHAAN: Mmm.

AERYN: What?

ZHAAN: Mmm?

AERYN: That was your fourth plate.

ZHAAN: (begging sweetly) More?

Aeryn serves Zhaan another hunk of Keedva as D’Argo enters, passing John who’s working on the fingers of his left hand.

ZHAAN: Mmm. Thank you.

AERYN: D’Argo? Another helping?

D’Argo spies Chiana walking by the door to the Center Chamber, she looks in but walks by.

D’ARGO: Ah… No.

Placing his plate on the table he leaves, John turns his head to watch them go.

ZHAAN: Mmm… It’s wonderful.

JOHN: Yeah. Carolina Style Keedva. Best barbecue this side of a Budong.

Rising from the table... and in a BBQ defining moment... he unsnaps his britches with an audible 'pop'... and winks!

ZHAAN: Thank you, John. For everything.

JOHN: Pleasure. Ya’ll dig in now.

And he motors (awwww!), leaving Zhaan and Aeryn alone.

AERYN: Pilot is very relieved that you’re recovering.

ZHAAN: As… much as I suffered, your experience was… was also painful. I only made it more difficult for you.

AERYN: You weren’t yourself, Zhaan.

ZHAAN: No, I was the mindless savage I accused you of being. But, uh, It wasn’t very pleasant… reverting back to such a primitive… vicious state. I’m sorry for what I said.

Aeryn places another hunk of meat on Zhaan’s plate.

AERYN: Here. Eat. Don’t talk.

INTERCUT

INT COMMAND – Chiana stands in front of the forward portal, watching the Budong as Moya pulls away.

D’ARGO: You must be happy to be out of there.

CHIANA: You can’t understand, D’Argo.

D’ARGO: Understand what? Loss? I understand that.

CHIANA: It’s not a big thing.

D’ARGO: Chiana. You don’t have to put on an act for me.

CHIANA: D’Argo, I do what I do to survive.

D’ARGO: Can’t you just let it go?

CHIANA: I can only let go when I feel safe.

D’ARGO: You are safe.

CHIANA: Am I?

D’Argo slowly and carefully approaches, until he stands very close. Cupping her chin in one hand he tilts her head up and plants a very soft kiss on her lips. He looks down at her for a moment, then turns and walks slowly away, leaving her a bit breathless.

CHIANA: (softly) Whoa.

END

END CREDITS ROLL

FARSCAPE

HOME ON THE REMAINS

Written by,Gabrielle Stanton & Harry Werksman, Jr.

Written by,
Gabrielle Stanton & Harry Werksman, Jr.