" Chee'nba "
by, Wombat Woman
~~ * ~~ * ~~
"Hey, D’Argo, Crichton, check this out."
Chiana’s voice carried over the noise of the market, getting the attention of the two men. D’Argo spotted her first, bending over a display of something shiny, small, and probably ridiculously unnecessary.
Crichton shook his head. "That girl likes to shop wa-a-ay too much."
"You’d think we hadn’t been on a commerce planet in cycles," D’Argo agreed as they wove their way through the throng.
The main marketplace on this particular commerce planet was huge, an open-air pavilion bounded by stone walls and elaborately carved archways marking each of the six entrances. Within these boundaries lay an astonishing variety of food, textiles, weapons, electronic gadgets, and far too many other things that Crichton couldn’t even begin to identify.
Upon arriving, Aeryn immediately declared her intention of seeking out parts for her prowler. Zhaan needed more herbs and medicines; Rygel, given the alternative of staying on Moya or staying with Zhaan, was reluctantly accompanying the Pa'u. That left Crichton with D'Argo and Chiana, feeling like (as he put it) the third wheel on a bicycle built for two.
Not that the lovers seemed to mind his presence. Or even notice it, at times.
When Crichton and D'Argo reached the booth, Chiana picked up one of the metallic polygons from the tray in front of her. "They’re scent blocks," the Nebari explained enthusiastically. "You can store different smells on each of the sides, and when you rub that side, you activate the scent." She stroked one of the blocks and waved it under D’Argo’s nose. "They come preprogrammed, but you can change them anytime you want. Isn't it great?"
"That’s really fascinating, Chiana, but," D'Argo paused, then sneezed explosively, "don't you think you'd better put it back?" He sneezed again. "Now?"
Reluctantly, Chiana replaced the block. "We’ll think about it," she told the merchant, who shrugged and slid the tray back into the glass display case. Still snuffling, D’Argo took Chiana by the elbow and steered her away from the booth. Crichton followed in their wake.
"We’re here to buy supplies, not toys," D'Argo reminded Chiana.
"I know that. But you can’t blame a girl for looking." She pressed her body against his. "Can you?"
D'Argo attempted to look stern, but failed as Chiana ran a finger along one of his tentacles. "It's not the looking that worries me," the Luxan answered, a little breathlessly. "It's the buying. Or the not-buying, in your case."
"Hey, Pip," Crichton interrupted, "How about finding us something that tastes as good as it smells?"
"Sure, old man," Chiana grinned at him over D'Argo's shoulder. "Give me five microts." She slipped out of D'Argo's embrace and disappeared into the crowd so smoothly that the other shoppers seemed completely unaware of her passage. By the time D’Argo and Crichton tracked her down again, she had not only found a vendor selling snacks and beverages, but had apparently charmed the waiter at the counter into giving her a free drink. The Luxan frowned ominously.
Crichton grabbed his friend's arm. “Chill, D'Argo. She’s just showing off, seeing if you’ll react. It's just the way she is.” He waited until the warrior took a calming breath before letting go.
By the time they reached the serving counter, Chiana had finished her first drink and started on her second. "Go easy on that, Chi," Crichton cautioned as he slid onto the stool to her left. "You don't know how strong that stuff is."
"Don't worry," she replied as D'Argo took the stool on the other side of her. "Klym here," she smiled up at the waiter, "was just explaining how things work around here. Apparently intoxicants aren't allowed within the marketplace. "
"Is that so?" D'Argo asked pleasantly.
Klym cleared his throat, eyeing the Luxan nervously. "Th-that's right. The market council banned intoxicants after a big brawl three cycles ago. Anyone caught serving them loses his vendor's license for an entire cycle."
"So what is this?" D'Argo took a small sip from Chiana's cup. "It's not bad. A little sweet."
"Chee'nba extract." Klym watched as D'Argo passed the cup to Crichton. "I've heard that it's quite popular among Sebaceans," he offered.
Crichton shrugged. "Never heard of it." Tasting it, he laughed. "Hey, it's RC Cola!" He took another gulp. "Got any Moon-Pies to go with it?"
Chiana grabbed the cup back. "Get your own," she scolded.
Klym looked befuddled. "What is a 'muun-pai'?"
"You probably don't want to know," D'Argo advised.
"He has a weird sense of humor," Chiana added. "We'll have three more glasses of the chee'nba. So, tell me, Klym," she continued, "if you were traveling through and looking to pick up a couple of solar days' worth of work, where in the marketplace would you go?"
"You might try the fifth entrance--the one nearest the harbor," Klym said as he poured the drinks. "I've heard that the ship captains are always looking for guards for their cargo." He gave D'Argo another wary look. "I expect a Luxan would get hired in a microt."
"Hey, thanks," Chiana beamed. "You've been a big help."
"What do we owe you for the drinks?" D'Argo asked, giving Chiana a repressive glare.
This was becoming too much for the waiter. "Nothing," he answered quickly. "Consider them a, um, a welcoming gift. If you need anything else, just let someone know." Before they could reply, he had scurried off to the other end of the counter.
Crichton watched him go, then turned to stare out at the crowds. "Y'know, we lose more good waiters that way."
Chiana shrugged. "Yeah, but think of all the free drinks we get." She looked at D'Argo. "So, what do you say? Should we try the docks?"
"It's as good a plan as any," admitted D'Argo, "and it might mean the difference between food cubes and real food for the next few weekens."
"That's all I've got to hear." Chiana drained her cup and hopped to her feet. "Are you in, Crichton?" When Crichton didn't answer, she poked him in the ribs. "Hey, Crichton, are you OK?"
"Huh?" Crichton blinked. "Sorry, I...spaced out there for a minute. What'd you say?"
Chiana and D'Argo glanced at each other. "Are you coming with us to the docks, to see if we can find a job?" Chiana repeated.
Crichton took another swallow of his drink. "Nah, I think I'm going to hang out here for a little while. Y'never know what you can overhear at the local watering hole." He gestured vaguely. "Besides, it's kinda nice, just watching the world go by without someone trying to kill me."
D'Argo shook his head. "John, I don't like leaving you without anyone to watch your back."
Crichton rolled his eyes. "I'll be fine, D'Argo. I won't get into any fights, and I won't kiss anybody." When D'Argo looked unconvinced, Crichton leaned forward and said softly, "When was the last time you two went on a date? Take the girl out for a boat-ride, buy her a stuffed animal, enjoy a couple of arns together. I'll wait here for you."
"Two arns. And you won't go wandering off?"
"Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye," Crichton chanted, then frowned. "Or have I done all that already? Whatever. Look, I promise I'll stay right here. OK?"
"OK," D'Argo agreed reluctantly. "Here, have the rest of my drink. It's too sweet for my liking." He stood up. "Let's go, Chiana. I want to get back before it gets dark."
Crichton raised his glass. "Have fun storming the castle," he called after them.
As they left the human behind them, D'Argo commented, "Some days, I think I almost understand him."
Chiana laughed. "Now that's a scary thought."
"Tell me about it."
~~ * ~~ * ~~
Two arns later they sat in the back of an intra-market transport. Securely wrapped in D'Argo's arms, Chiana reminisced. "So then Neeri snuck back that night and unlatched all the cages." She snickered in memory. "You should have seen it, D'Argo. All these little wi'k'chas running around in circles, and the owner's wife standing on a table screa--"
The transport lurched to a sudden stop, nearly unseating them. "Second entrance," the driver informed them. "That'll be two burels and six krun."
"You told us two burels!" argued D'Argo.
The driver gave him a scornful look. "Plus tax. Look," she said when D'Argo scowled, "if you've got a problem, bring it up with the council. Maybe they'll reimburse you, seein' as you're off-worlders. 'Course, it'll probably take half a cycle."
"Um, D'Argo?" Chiana was staring over the edge of the transport.
"Chiana, can't it wait a microt?"
"I don't think so." She pointed. Ahead of them, the usual slow-moving flow of people had stopped completely. "Isn't that where we're supposed to meet Crichton?"
Cursing, D'Argo tossed a handful of coins at the driver and began pushing his way through the crowd. Chiana was right on his heels.
They were barely halfway to the beverage counter when he heard the singing. "Tell me that's not Crichton," he groaned. "Please tell me that's not Crichton."
"Give me a boost up," said Chiana. "Maybe I can spot him."
D'Argo half-knelt while Chiana scrambled onto his shoulders, then stood.
Chiana scanned the area. "I don't frelling believe it "
"It's Crichton?"
"Oh, it's Crichton, all right. He's standing on the frelling counter, waving a glass around, stomping and singing." Now that she was above the noise of the crowd, she could make out the words.
"*. . .no, nay, never*" stomp stomp stomp stomp "*No, nay, never, no more*" stomp stomp "*Will I play the wild rover*" stomp "*No, nay, never, no more!*"
A couple of the locals had joined him on the counter. The spectators whistled and cheered their approval.
Chiana slid back to the ground. "I don't know how we're going to get--"
"There you are!" a frantic voice interrupted her. D'Argo turned swiftly and spied Klym pushing his toward them. "You've got to do something about your friend. The market patrol is already on its wa--urp!"
D'Argo had grabbed the small man by the collar. "What did you give him?" he growled.
"Nothing!" Klym squeaked. "Just the chee'nba extract. I swear!"
"D'Argo, let him go," ordered Chiana. "Whatever it is, it's not his fault. You know Crichton."
"True." The Luxan released Klym. "Is there another way around the crowd?" he asked the waiter.
"You have to promise to get him out of here. If the council thinks we've been serving intoxicants--"
"Is there another way?" D'Argo repeated dangerously.
Klym gulped. "Follow me."
The waiter took them around the edge of increasingly raucous crowd and through the back of the booth. D'Argo and Chiana found themselves at Crichton's "stage" where, having finished his song, he was telling a joke that even Rygel had found offensive. Nearly at the punchline, he spotted his shipmates.
"Hey, everybody! It's D'Artagnon and Ch-ch-ch-chia!" The human laughed. "C'mon and join the party, you guys!"
D'Argo looked up at Crichton sternly. "The party's over, John. It's time to go."
"Aw, is it closing time already? And I was just startin' to have fun." Crichton half-leapt, half-fell off the table and landed in a sprawl. "Oops. Guess I haven't learned to fly yet." He pulled himself up, using the counter for support, and bowed in the direction of his appreciative audience. "Th-th-th-that's all folks!" he hollered as D'Argo pulled him out of sight.
Klym was waiting anxiously.
"Keep to the alley" he ordered. "I'll slow the patrol down."
"Thanks," D'Argo slung Crichton over his shoulder. Crichton gave a muffled protest, which D'Argo ignored. "Sorry about the mess."
Klym waved away the apology. "Just leave. And if you get caught--don't tell them you were ever here!" He disappeared back into the booth.
Chiana led the way, weaving around piles of empty containers, trash, and the occasional surprised vendor. D'Argo followed as quick as he could, but was hampered by the jovial human.
"This would be easier," D'Argo panted a few moments later, "if Crichton was unconscious."
"And if the patrol wants to know why we're dragging a knocked-out Sebacean around, possibly against his will, what are you going to tell them?" Chiana replied, coming to a halt at an intersection. "We need to find someplace to hole up until we contact the others. Wait here while I look." She disappeared before D'Argo could reply.
"Hey, D'Argo?"
"What now, Crichton?"
"Why are you carrying me?"
"Because I'm trying to save your ass."
Crichton slapped him on the back. "Yer a pal. Is anyone chasing me right now?"
"Not right this microt."
"Good, 'cuz I really gotta pee."
D'Argo set him down with a thump. Crichton lurched slightly. "Whoa! Head rush!"
"Hurry up," the Luxan ordered as Crichton stumbled to the nearest garbage heap. "Chiana'll be back any microt."
"Doin' my best here, buddy."
D'Argo sighed. A small eternity later, Chiana rounded the corner.
"I found an empty booth," Chiana informed him. "Where'd Crichton go? You were supposed to hang on to him!"
"He's right over there." D'Argo gestured over his shoulder.
Chiana swore. "Crichton, couldn't you have held it?"
"Not the way D'Argo was bouncin' me around." He finished, and, fastening his pants, rejoined them. "Are you guys hungry? I bet we could find a McDonalds and--"
"Shut up, Crichton!"
~~ * ~~ * ~~
While D'Argo hustled Crichton into the booth, Chiana commed Aeryn. ". . .acting completely fahrbot!"
"That's impossible," Aeryn replied. "Chee'nba extract isn't intoxicating."
"Tell that to Crichton." Chiana retorted. "Look, someone's got to take him back to Moya before he gets into any more trouble."
"*To the beggin' I will go, will go, To the beggin' I will go.*"
Chiana put her hand over the com. "Keep him quiet, D'Argo," she hissed.
"I'm trying!"
"--do it?" came Aeryn's response.
Chiana removed her hand. "What was that, Aeryn?"
"I said, why can't you and D'Argo do it?"
"Because we need to get back to the fifth entrance! We found someone to hire us for a solar day, but only if we're back there in three-quarters of an arn. There's no way we can get to our transport module in that time, much less get to Moya. And I am not going to spend the next few weekens eating food cubes because Crichton can't hold his cheen'ba!"
"*...rise above the wedding guests And bless the happy pair. To the beggin'...*"
"--at least an arn to finish what I'm doing. I can't get there in time. I'm sorry."
"Chiana!" D'Argo whispered urgently. "Do you still have that food bar I bought you? Crichton says he's starving."
Chiana whirled in the direction of the booth. "Let him starve. That's supposed to be my dessert."
Crichton poked his head out. "Ple-ease, Chiana? Pretty please, with whipped cream and chocolate syrup and a che--" Chiana threw the food bar at him. He unwrapped it and took a bite. "Not bad. Kinda like a Pop-Tart." D'Argo yanked him back into the booth. "*Some will give me beef and bread, And some will give me cheese...*"
Chiana tried the com again. "Zhaan? Can you hear me? Please, please, please say you can hear me."
There was a pause, then, "I hear you, my dear. What's the matter?" Zhaan replied.
Taking a deep breath, Chiana explained the situation once more. "So I was really hoping you and Rygel could take him back to Moya," she concluded a little desperately.
"We can meet you at the fourth entrance in half an arn. Will that give you enough time?"
"Barely, but I think we can do it."
"We'll see you there, then."
"Thanks, Zhaan."
~~ * ~~ * ~~
"Do you know what that yotz called me this time?"
Zhaan did not pause in the pre-flight check. "Not now, if you please, Rygel."
"He called me a flying monkey!" the Hynerian continued in outrage. "Then he started babbling some dren about wicked witches and emerald cities and dumping buckets of water over people." He steered his thronesled in an irate loop about the cabin. "Why don't we dump a bucket of water over him? It might help sober him up!"
"It isn't John's fault that he had an unusual reaction to the chee'nba," she said calmly. Finishing the check, she keyed in a request-for-takeoff to the planet's flight controller. "We must be patient with him."
Rygel snorted. "Easy for you to say. I nearly had that merchant talked into selling me an oji-tem sword. Do you have any idea how rare those are?"
"I'm afraid not." Zhaan acknowledged the flight controller's suggested flight path and entered it into the module's navigational system. She raised her voice. "John, we're about to lift off," she called over the hum of the engines. "Are you strapped in?"
"You betcha, Zhaannie. You sure you don't want me up there to lend a hand?"
"Positive, John." Smoothly, the module lifted from the ground.
"Yo, Zhaan. What kind of flowers are these?"
The Pa'u confirmed the module's course. "Which ones?"
"The ones that look like poppies, only with purple leaves."
"Purple leaves? Those are agentha blossoms." She heard a rustle. "John, please be careful with those; they're very hard to find."
Another rustle. "They smell good. Mint-chocolatey. What do they taste like?"
"Don't eat them! They're a very strong laxative."
"Like Ex-Lax? Y'know, I'm just gonna put them right back in their little sack."
"You do that, John. You do just that." Zhaan muttered through gritted teeth. She increased the acceleration. "Goddess give me strength."
"Remember, Zhaan," Rygel advised maliciously, "we must be patient with him."
~~ * ~~ * ~~
Aeryn smiled as she set her prowler down in Moya without so much as a shudder. She jumped onto the deck and ran a hand along the fighter's side, pleased with the repairs. The mechanic had had a surplus of compatible parts, and had been happy to trade the lot for a chance to study Peacekeeper technology at close hand. Aeryn suspected that, had she negotiated harder--or brought Rygel along to do the bargaining--the mechanic might have paid her. As it was, she had enough spares to last her several cycles.
"About time you showed up."
"And hello to you, too, Rygel." Aeryn glanced over at him. "Cheat anyone out of their most prized possession today?"
"Ha. I wish."
"My sympathies. Maybe you'll have better luck on the next commerce planet."
"Only if we leave the human on board." Rygel maneuvered his thronesled to the nearest exit. "By the way, I wouldn't bother Zhaan, if I were you."
"Why not?" Aeryn called after him.
"Ask Crichton," he answered, and floated down the corridor.
Puzzled, Aeryn strode over to the transport module. "Zhaan, why did Ryg--" She stared. "What the hezmatta happened here?"
The inside of the module was strewn with herbs, flowers, and small plants. Zhaan stood in the middle, a look of suppressed fury on her face. "Crichton," she spat out, "decided to be 'helpful' and rearrange all my supplies. It will take me days to sort all this out, and I'll probably have to throw away half of it away!"
Studying the mess, Aeryn realized that there actually was a sort of order to it: the flowers had been grouped together in small bunches, each with a few green herbs tucked into it. "Some of the bunches are rather pretty," Aeryn offered supportively.
Zhaan glared at her.
Aeryn gave up. "So where is Crichton?"
"I don't know, and right now, Aeryn, I don't care" Zhaan replied haughtily. "If you'll excuse me, I have work to do."
Aeryn decided to try a different tactic. "Pilot, locate Crichton, please," she said into her com.
"Commander Crichton is on Tier 5," he responded--a little sharply, if she wasn't mistaken. "He has been attempting to access Command."
"That may not be the best place for him right now, Pilot," she warned as she headed down the corridor.
"I am aware of that, Officer Sun," snapped Pilot. "So far I have been successful at distracting him, but I would appreciate it if you would. . .do something about him. Now."
"On my way." Aeryn broke into a run.
~~ * ~~ * ~~
She finally tracked him to an access shaft on Tier 3. Ducking her head through the small entry, she spotted him try to reach Tier 2.
"Crichton?" she called.
He looked down, slipping a little. His face lit up. "Aeryn! What's up, sunshine?"
She wiggled the rest of the way in and stood cautiously. "What the yotz are you doing?"
"Oh, just chasing a white rabbit." Holding on with his right hand, he stretched up with his left.
"A what?" Aeryn asked as he found a grip and pulled himself up a little further. "You realize you're going to fall and break your neck, don't you?"
"A white rabbit. About so big," he gestured, bracing himself with his feet. "Furry. Wears a pocketwatch and is always late for croquet matches. And," he added, reaching for another handhold. "I'm not going to fall." He found something to hang onto, and began to raise himself further. "See, I'm doing just fine." He turned to smile at her, and lost his grip.
"Watch out!" The warning came too late. He fell, sliding directly into her. They landed in a heap, with Aeryn pinned down by Crichton's weight. She opened her mouth to snap at him and got a mouthful of hair instead.
Helpfully, Crichton brushed it away from her face. "Hello there, Alice. Been down any good rabbit holes lately?" He gave her his most charming grin.
She tried to glare, but the absurdity of the situation was too much for her. "Do you have any idea how intoxicated you are?" she asked him, her voice rich with amusement.
"I am not intoxicated," he replied, enunciating carefully. "I am drunk as a skunk." He continued to stroke her hair, rolling the strands between his fingers.
It was very distracting. "John, I want to ask you a very important question."
He tilted his head, watching her intently. "Anything, Aeryn."
She took a deep breath. "Given that you are as drunk as this slunk--"
"Skunk."
"--do you really think you should be crawling around the access shafts?"
Crichton paused to consider this, rubbing his jaw thoughtfully against her temple. Aeryn closed her eyes. "I suppose not," he eventually answered.
She smiled again, her eyes still shut. "Well, in that case, why don’t we take you back to your quarters, and you can sleep off the chee’nba extract."
"Are you going to tuck me in?" His breath was warm against her cheek.
"I might," she said softly. "Under one condition."
"What’s the condition?"
Opening her eyes, Aeryn pulled her head back just far enough to meet his gaze. "You're going to have to get off me first."
Crichton took stock of their relative positions. "Oh. Yeah, I guess I will." He heaved himself up, allowing Aeryn to slide back out the access portal. She stood, waited as he wormed his way out after her, and offered him a hand up. "Ready?"
"I think so." He took her hand and pulled himself off the floor, nearly unbalancing her in the process. He staggered slightly, then started down the corridor.
Aeryn followed, watching to make sure he didn’t fall. After a moment Crichton began singing, his voice drifting back to her. “*Show me the way to go home; I’m tired and I want to go to bed. I had a little drink about an hour ago, And it’s gone straight to my head. . .*”
~~ * ~~ * ~~
They made it back to his sleeping quarters without incident and Crichton began stripping off his shirt. Belatedly Aeryn turned her back to give him some privacy. "So, who is this Alice?" she asked.
"Alice?" She heard the thump of a boot falling to the floor.
"Back in the access shaft, you called me Alice. Who is she?"
"Oh, yeah." Another thump. "She’s this little girl who goes on some weird adventures. Cheshire cats and white knights and lions and unicorns fighting for the crown. It’s a children’s story." Silence. After a moment she risked a glance behind her. He was seated on the side of the bed, wearing just his underwear.
She cleared her throat. "A children’s story?"
He sighed, then lay down on his side. "Yeah. I’ve been thinking about kids’ stories a lot lately," he continued as Aeryn walked towards the bed. "Alice in Wonderland, Wizard of Oz, Dr. Seuss."
"Because of your daughter." She made it a statement, not a question. Pulling the blanket up around him, she took a seat next to him. He rolled onto his back to meet her gaze.
"Eighty cycles, Aeryn. There’s no way I’ll live that long, even if Scorpy does lose interest in me. " His absurd good cheer had drained away completely, and his expression was bleak. "My first child--maybe my only one--and I’m never ever going to meet her."
"I know," she answered softly.
Neither spoke for a time, until finally Aeryn stood. "Try to get some sleep," she told him. "I’ll look in on you later."
"Aeryn," he called as she reached the door; she turned back to face him. "Check on her for me. Ninety cycles or so from now, go back there and make sure she’s happy." Aeryn nodded once. "Thanks."
She remained there until his eyes were closed and his breathing had slowed. Then, moving silently, she worked her way through Moya's corridors back to her own chamber.
~~ * ~~ * ~~
FIN
